this is a mental torture.

updates.

my first day of work is the worstseeeesst first day of work in the history of worst first days. i just had too much of what the fuck moments in one week time that it has come to one point which i think that this couldnt be real anymore.

the cool boss apparently isnt cool at all. the first day of work he just left 3 of us - who had no idea what the hell to do - on the streets with a dysfunctional gate.and we're suppose to repait it. what the fuck?

typical german wheather - raining all day long. we were standing in the cold for what seemed like forever. the boss said he needed to go to court to settle something official. i wanted soo much to pee but had to walk for 15003762 km to look for toilets. we didnt bring anything along aka money, therefore we couldnt budge from where we were. no food no drinks, just us, the stupid gate, the cold and the rain. for 6 fucking hours. what the fuck??

on our way back to the workshop, the boss was talking to his friend in the phone about us (malaysian girls la konon). then, he insisted us to go with to some party the next day. sure he mentioned it earlier but we all thought it was midday. apparently, its an evening party. and he promised his friend to introduce us to his friend. what the fuck?? he's pimping us out or what??

the fact that we couldnt wear hijabs- thus me wearing serkup and extra large cap with turtle necks and mufflers - yea, makes me feel like a fucking social retard. i mean- what the fuck is the problem there?? he said - i have no problems with hijabs but clients do. yea, right. so why cant i just wear them in the workshop? lame reason, honey. kalau boleh dia nak kami bukak semua. i wont do it if he oferred me 1 million euro.

the next day, we worked with the same retarded gate. he was there all right - making sounds to every woman who passed by. please la bitch, have some self respect. macam la kitorang semua tak tahu kau ni desperate , wanted to get laid, since you're bachelor terlajak. good thing we girls werent the only one who felt that. lelaki german lain pon. muahaha. we declined the party invitation, since mamat-mamat german lain pon nasihat jangan pergi. i mean- what the fuck?? if the party is suppose to be a company thing - why invite only the female population??

the thing got me so pissed sampai rasa mahu belasah orang;
i am fine with the fact that there's only one female toilet. alah bengkel je pon. but im not fine with the fact that we couldnt use it, eventhough the changing room is next to it. instead we have to walk all the way to male toilet to settle any natural calls. what the fuck?? what's the problem? the only person who can use the toilet is his secretary. okay so we thought - oh maybe she's using her own toilet paper, so we brought our own. i dont do natural calls in public toilets so i dont care much about the toilet paper. tapi aku kenalah ambil wudhuk. takkan nak ambil wudhuk kat toilet lelaki. so yesterday right after work we went in to change and guess what??? the fucking biatch secretary padlock the toilet. what the fuck?? busuk gila hati. dah la aku tak pernah nampak minah demanding ni, tapi aku rasa ringan ja tangan macam nak kasik satu tumbukan. gila. maybe she has some problem with foreigners. or maybe she's the one who pays all the water bills. or maybe she got some herpes and doesnt want to share it with other female population in the company. beats me. tapi kenapa aku rasa dia tak semulia itu?? ugh. witch! i soo wish she does have herpes and it fucking burnssss everytime she pees. muahahaha. i know i know i have ill thinkings.

so this morning, i refuse to go to work. elly refused to wake up. and minim is the only one who i think felt responsible about the whole working thing, so she got up and left. good for you, girl. i dont care.its not like he's paying any of his azubi and praktikanten doing all the work for his company. dah belambak-belambak apprentice timbul di kampeni dia, its not any different if i go to work or not. the hell with him. it brings a bit of comfort to know that at least we're not the only one whos complaining. the whole bunch hari-hari mengutuk dia. hahah. i lyke!

but ugh. what the fuck?? it doesnt change the fact that i went to work for just 3 days no more. and im still counting for these days to end.

i have always thought mckenzie as the younger version of crowe. no??

crap.

i am fakken embarrassed to go to class. thus the anti-socialness.

papers dont seemed to be tough but somehow i managed not to answer them. prolly because of the last minute cramming. and panic attack. and break down. blergh. wtf. i'll repeat with open heart.

and ugh. monday i'll be working. malasnya aku mahu berschweißen..

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i dig heavy films. or at least the non-conclusive.

which got me the thinking, aku ni sadist ke?? mungkin. atau aku ni dramatic. sebab aku suka ending orang mati. sebab itu baru namanya ending. dan aku suka buat kesimpulan muahahah.

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apart from johnny depp, now i think edward norton is one hella talented individual.

thats it. i cant do tae-bo no more.

backpain issues!!

i'll stick to pilates.

aku sedih gila.

1) ermm The News. pecah hati, okay?

2) semenjak dua tiga tahun ni, aku tak boleh tido kalau esok aku ada paper exam. macam-macam. contohnya, aku bergolek-golek selama 1-2 jam sebelum lelap mata. atau aku akan bangun hampir setiap jam. ataupun yang paling seksa - mimpi ngeri.

3) semalam aku mimpi ngeri sekali lagi.

mimpi bermula dengan seronok sekali. aku dan beberapa rakan (x hingat muka tapi berkemungkinan tinggi glace kerana aku rasa aku ingat muka amyan kahkah) pergi bercuti ke suatu tempat yang rupanya seakan-akan sepanyol/greek - kerana manusia bulih melepak di atas bukit sambil melihat laut. ah susah benar nak memperumpamakan pemandangan tersebut. apa yang aku ingat, selepas itu aku dah bersiap sedia hendak terjun masuk kolam renang, tapi 3 saat sebelum aku mengangkat kakiku untuk menjunam, tiba-tiba ada makhluk menyuakan satu kertas soalan. aku harus mengira bagaimana untuk melakukan penjunaman yang paling berkesan. dan terdapat coretan seperti cos ß sin ß entah hapa momentum pusingan dan lain-lain. benci betul. hati pedih. dan aku tidak bulih berenang kerana aku tidak tahu menjawab soalan tersebut malahan itulah pertama kali aku melihat soalan begitu ropa. jahaaaaat jahaaaat!! dan mimpi ku diakhiri dengan menyaksikan beberapa mat salleh sedang 'snorting some coke'. (tak tau dalam bm apa)

4) need i say more?? paper mechanik hari ni. tak boley jawab..

this is it.

after years of waiting. after pushes of attempts.

its official. i am jack's broken heart.

that's it.

this is the end.

i have got to say this.

i had enough looking at poseurss. emm malaysian poseurss. i mean, come on. you dont have to display you holding dark-glassed bottles in a middle of a rave just to show the whole word you can party like hard-cores. and snap with some drunk caucasian just to tell people you're somewhat outgoing. kissing the opposite sex to advertise that you're umm.. promiscuous? wearing skanky outfits holding a little olive in you salt-rimmed martini just to shout out you belong to somewhat THE upper class of the society. and prolly the children of important people in malaysia. and worse of all, you claim yourself to be a muslim. please. (me- rollin eyes)

shessh. okay. apa masalah aku? hahah i just have so much hate that i want to vent it out here. thank you very much. im just stating that i detest all the grandstand plays. comprendez??

because im worried. malaysia is very unstable right now. with politics. and weather. banjir belum settle, elnino is coming. and will prolly stay for a while. what will most of the "prominent" people do? bawak isteri, anak-anak dan saudara mara lari ke luar negara. while these people busy sipping their chardonnays, and their children busy climbing up the social ladder, the "common people" in malaysia are the one whos going through the agony of the instability that the "upper class" triggered.

stating my piece of mind. peace out, y'all.

When i said i love watching House MD, everybody went like, 'God, can you be lamer??'

Apperently, its now the biggest hit on television. Beating Greys Anatomy and Prison Break.

TAKE THAT, YOU LAME-Ossss!!!






p/s : and its educational too.

-oh blogger dah upgrade. bagus.

-buat tae bo 30 mins rasa nak pengsan. gila sakit.

-i dont get it. seriesli. people always come up to me and assumed that im actually athletic. since i was younger, people tend to think i can do sports. merepek!!! gimme any kind of balls, i cant score. o wait. wait wait. scratch that. hahahhahahahaha not all balls. i think. yish.

anyhoo, what im trying to say is, there has got to be a reason behind that aitt? nak kata aku ada broad shoulder, tak jugak. nak kata aku berotot ketul-ketul, people cant tell, can they? with my black clothes and all. oh mungkin they think all the flabbiness are muscles? ermm maybe not. nak kata aku kurus - hahaha. yea, sure. harsh features, maybe? and the way i present myself? and the way i talk? aww come on, i thought jocks are jerks? im a jerk? whattt?? no wayyyy. cewah tanak ngaku.

but seriously. last month i went to a job interview and my boss (future anyways) said im athletic. and all three of us (elly and minim) broke a big laugh. lized?? sports?? kohkoh. im flattered by the way. and he offered to stay longer at the mall - so that i can 'nette männer schauen' (mengusha lelaki hensem). hahahahahahah. cool la boss aku. macam paham-paham. the thing i dont understand is - why among three he offered me? aku pakai tudung dan hitam whereas one didnt wear any and the other was wearing a flourescent yellow hijab. ermm shoudnt i be the one who fits the 'self-blaster' criteria?? among three i dont think i look like the flamboyant one.

so it got me the thinking, should i be flattered or feel insulted? because i pushed away all the stereotypes about muslims being reserved - and we can be cool too. but at the same time i dont potray and present as a good muslim. i honestly dont know.

but i guess its just me. all me.