the whole deal with ovulating is - it annoys me. insanely.

its not just about stupid mood swings. which btw trigger some other stupid stuff. its the whole physical change. the whole breasts swelling, increase of appetite yang tak membantu sama sekali uterus buncitness. basically im not comfortable in my own skin. when i ovulate. even worse when im having period. which im not going into. tapi taknak la menopause. ooh and finally, my superbad skin breaks out as if tomorrow is the end of the world. they just have to get out. and see the world. konon-konon.

the point is, when both combined especially in the mid of exams week i finally understood why people became wristcutters. or pill popper.

i used to be this idealistic person. bila tengok movie ke cerita kat tv, kalau orang suicide aku mesti macam, 'hak enaaa. kot ye pon tak ade agama tapayah la dramatic sangat sampai nak terjun bangunan.'

now being the realistic person that i am, hopelessness really brings out the um... hopelessness? the why-cant-i-get-out-of-this-shit kinda feeling.

so there. another bitching bout ovaries and uterus. peace out.

this never gets old.

been wanting to vent for days but somehow i managed to do some other unworthy things which by now i cant even seem to remember.

aaanyhoo. ugh. weather. sucky. too cold. too windy. too wet. and i travel by bike. aku sudahlah begitu gigih memakai baju sejuk yang berbagai tapi somehow.. hmph. in vain. sejuk mencucuk kulit serupa macam bogel je. and there was this one time i had to desperately take a dump while cycling. the sejukness obviously doesnt help. bak kata this random person i met, 'taik dah nak berekor dah....'. and then once i got home, i went straight into the toilet and took a helluva crap. here's the thing about my toilet. its mutually exclusive from my shower therefore the water that i usually use came from the sink which by the way sape hentah invent sebab tade temperature control so its pretty damn cold. like cunt freeezing after berinstinjak kinda cold.

aanways back to my story of desperation of having to take a crap. went into that toilet. and ooooooo my. never have i experience feeling the warmth of that once-cunt-freezing water. boy if anyone would ask me what is the meaning pure bliss then i would say exactly say that. taking a crap in an insanely perfect comfort. how ironic is it to actually appreciate cold in cold? ok. kalau tak faham tak pe. my point is kesejukan diluar adalah sangat puaka sampai air sejuk toilet pon macam air panas. sudah.

the whole deal with exams is kinda tugging my emotions. macam pms sepanjang-panjang yang mungkin. demn la kenapa aku belaja kat sini. hmph.

this is a random shout out. arrested development : mayyjah! i remember i used to enjoy watching it on the tv but in all seriousness its like a masterpiece. hands down to the creator and writer. best thing. EVER. tidak seperti bende bodoh yang überhyped. macam heroes. and prison break. and one tree hill. even greys anatomy macam dah bodoh-bodoh. so i resort to good things. macam entourage. aquaaaahhh mannnn! ari gold btw has the best script. i wish i could talk like him. how the hell a normal could come up with something like that? his head must be like super fast.

ok. too much randomness. and words that shouldnt be used in front of your parents.


p/s : siapa ingat secreto de amor?? ahahah this song reminds me of a shirtless fabio-looking guy named carlos raul riding a horse. cracks me up everytime! gallop gallop *konon-konon penuh seksi*

updates. setelah berbulan entry entourage berkulat.

• emm exams : as usual ntah apa-apa. test bawak masuk toyol aku lepas la pulak.
  

• summer : malaysia. wuh. awesome times. finally got to feel the nite life i dun have around here(germany). no im not a clubbing perk(pls, lame ok). haha lama x lepak hartamas. celaka tikus besa macam mak kucing. mak kucing pon lari ketakutan. lepak smpai subuh br tau hartamas tade mesjid/surau. huh pegi segambut dalam ok. its like a whole mini jakarta down there.
  

• tioman : sori peeps lupa mau passing gamba. gamba underwater all over the place harhar. badan belang macam nini cokolat celup (celup celup!) <------ ok lawak rempit jap.

• blew my money on food, man. worth every penny.

• found out my archery skill wasnt too shabby.
  

• hah. fish spa. ridiculously ridiculous. spent 15 mins naik turun kaki masuk kolam. ikan x sempat mau gigit2.
  

• uuuuu karoke nite. awesomeness. oh how we sang soo shamelessly.

• the rest of the summer i spent on ermm gossiping(mcm x biasa), smirking on melayu peluk-peluk tengah alam mahupun dalam cinema, serta melepak depade time bukak posa sampai sahur. sekian.

didnt get to wakeboard(sebab rate untuk wakeboarding kt mines mahal haram), didnt get to wallclimb(sebab tak jumpa tempat kt OU), didnt get to bukak posa dengan glace except ena piya taki(who btw dominated the whole conversation time).

there. cant seem to think anything remotely worth reading.

p/s : i got a grandpa named Abe whos senile. haha. o well, i thought its pretty funny. not nice. but at least funny.

-despite überhype dramas, i still think entourage is the best.

-i miss glace.

-weather rimas, lalat rimas, badan rimas, otak rimas.






hati rimas.

sleepless weekend

no shit. had sleepless wiken.

NO MORE HEROES rocks my pants!!! it's like star wars meets bleach meets kill bill meets grand theft auto. (walopon aku denga grand theft auto lagi best).

aku duduk depan tv 12 jam tanpa menggerakkan bontot. semata nak habiskan game ni.

puas hati ok final match. aku tengah on fire ni. sape ade wii sile main. gerenti puas hati.

NO MORE HEROES Wii Trailer

sape kate x best meh sini debate dengan aku.

shitade out of shit.

aku sangat laaa benci cikgu yang caring. sem ni penuh dengan cikgu2 yang caring. oleh itu tak boleh ponteng kelas. sebab muka fofuler sangat kalau tak datang cikgu sebok-sebok tanya sakit apa. so anyways yesterday shaz didnt go to school since he needed to get his ankle checked up. nak dibuat cerita semalam kena pergi kelas cikgu caring;

intro (telah diterjemah)

cikgu caring : hello peeps. blablabla (insert ayat intro standard cikgu) oh hey..you guys are always in a group of three. what happened to the other one? (sambil menunjuk kepada dua budak paling hitam dalam kelas buahahahaa)
lizakodi : (sebab rasa paling hitam responsible terus menjawab) errm he's sick. (dengan penuh harapan dia tak tanya banyak)
cikgu caring : uuu is it serious? is he okay? what is he having?
lizakodi : (cis. kenapa kau harus extravaganza caring?) erm he got sprained ankle. (believe me explaining sprained ankle in german is no easy job. stuck kat explanation ni agak la beberapa minit).
cikgu caring : how come? soccer?
lizakodi hanya mengangguk.
cikgu caring : aaaaanways i heard there are people who didnt have the password to access my scripts. apparently the password hasnt been distributed properly.
random guy in class : but we all have it.
cikgu caring : well i'm talking for those ladies in the back. (tunjuk kitorang lagi)
lizakodi : (shit.)
random guy : oh well okay. i'll read it out loud. blabla (the password)
cikgu caring wrote it on the board then made sure we (aku elly) got it.
guy next to random guy : here (handing me a piece of paper) can you read it?
lizakodi : yea sure. (apprently he wrote the password down. again. padahal besa2 kat depan dah ade. aku adalah sudah penuh malu diberi perhatian sebegitu rupa)

end of intro.

intermission

dikala kepanasan dalam kelas betriebliches rechnungwesen adalah aku melayang-layang serta bermain mata dengan cikgu caring itu. rasa macam duduk dalam kelas sejarah kat sekolah dulu-dulu. atau pon mod maths. (bermain mata meaning my eyelids are just defeated against gravitational force). dengan tak semena-mena ;

cikgu caring : how are the foreign students going? am i going to fast? or are there something to you wanna ask?
lizakodi : (blurr siaaaal. die tengah cakap ngan aku ke? fuck la aku tengah pening lalat) emmm nein. ist okay.
cikgu caring : alles verstanden?
lizakodi : (masih blur) em ja.
cikgu caring : bestimmt?
lizakodi : (baru pasan kalau die tanya aku soklan kang kantoi sial tak paham. shit. tuka jawapan jap) errrr jain. heheh (sengih-sengih buat muka bodo jap)
cikgu caring : Ist ja bestimmt schwer für Sie alles gut zu verstehen. Arbeiten Sie auch mit den Deutschen?
lizakodi : nicht so.
cikgu caring : Wollten Sie mit den arbeiten?
lizakodi : (pandang elly jap. apsal aku je jawab wei. bekap laa)
elly buat tak layan sial.
lizakodi : es geht.
cikgu caring : Es ist besser, wenn Sie auch mit den anderen arbeiten. Sonst wird es schwer. (pastu sound budak kelas lain) Sie müssen um ihren ausländischen Komolitonen kümmern blablabla..
lizakodi : (exterior : senyum tak rela. interior : fucckkk fuckety fuccckk.)
cikgu caring : So bitte. Machen Sie das. (masih tak abes sound classmate sebab tak caring kat kitorang)
lizakodi : (batu belaaaahh batu bertangkooppppp. telan la akuu.. aku maluu orang lain kena babysittt akuuu!!)

end of intermission.

so basically the next day (iaitu hari ini), punya lah ramai rakan taulan bertegor sapa offer nak tolong kitorang kalau ada masalah. siap wat ayat dalam english. babi aku malu sial. bukan malu sebab orang ingat aku bodoh (sebab memang bongok pon), tapi malu sebab dah la anti-social, pastu orang lain kena blame pasal aku yang anti-social.

but hey. if life gives you shit, then make a shitade out of it. (sebab lemons jadik lemonade gettit?)

when shit hits the fan

after sitting in front of the computer doing the so-called research from 5pm till 12am i have come to a revelation that im a good observer but a very bad solver.

i mean, seriously. its not like i was watching anything. i sit while trying to comprehend these hydraulics sheenanigans (which im suppose to take next sem anyways not now) and in the end not getting any materials whatsoever for tomorrows dicush session.

what i know is hitler was highly impressed with muslim military. and he prolly is a quarter of jew. and siapa yang forward email kat aku kata hitler adalah suami yang setia is bullcrap because he was never married. and watersports apparently means something else. and syphillis can attack your brain. and the wasabi i've been eating is not even real wasabi (demmit).

but nooooo. i cant come up with anything for tomorrow. because i just dont have the ability to put pieces together.

and i just realized not to underestimate my peningness. i happen to talk crap during the whole episode of being lost in clouds of information.

lame-o.

stupid flanders. stupid flanders. stupid flanders.

emmm the only reason i write this is because cik sonik is a little wee bored looking at gang rape all this while. so there you go sonik.

randomness : spongebob in awe sounds exactly like homer in mengidamness. mr. burns ruless!!

aaaaanyhoo, this is how my head goes these days. random.

apart from kacau jiwa assignments, this is all i have for you guys ;

1) never bowl after veeting your legs. the ball will either go in the longkang or in a much worse case ermmm goes backwards. you might not see the relation now but heck, why dont you try it yourself?

2) never veet without enough cream. regardless how bululess you think you are.

i've been gang raped. with everything. mentally and emotionally. (nope not physically)

soo easy if i could just shut down and shun myself.

hmmmmmm but being me all i can do is absorb everything and put on a smile.

lala life sucks at this point.

this is soooooooooooooooo fucked up i got goosebumps all over.

kinky incest

my heart just sinks.

no matter how much i take my daily dosage of simpsons.

screwed. screwed. screwed.

on the contrary when everybody seems to be happy about spring. hate it. now. it rains. a lot. wet wet wet. and there's a bicycle involves.

blerrgghh.

my heart sinks.

malang tak berbau

even with an intimate relationship with my bicycle for a couple of years now i still manage to fall like an idiot. no wind no nothing i just fell.

shaz was there but apparently i didnt hear anyting. i dont get it though. cause if i was him i'll be laughing my ass off but i heard just.. nothing. only my name. either he's holding his laugh (which i dont think he does a very good job of) or 'god she has the worst reflexes ever. suck to be her.' going in his head. haha anyways glad elly wasnt there cause she wont be much of a help. bet i'll only hear hyenic laugh for the next 10 mins.

aaaaanyhoo my jeans didnt rip, much to my disappointment. coz then i'll have a cool jeans with real story hahah. the whole thing wasnt really bad actually. the thing is i have this 10cm long greenish blackish red bruise on my inner thigh. which doesnt add up at all since i landed on my knees. anyways its freakish looking i kinda like it. and i just realized everytime i pressed the thingy i smiled a little. pain is bliss. now it's official to say i'm a creep.

bak dialog di bawah;

kodi : they said i'm weird. lol
shaz : u? weird? why am i not surprised?
kodi : demn

Wien - Budapest - Prague

spent a week doing some exam stress venting.

WIEN / VIENNA
-typical German atmosphere.
-mecca for those who appreciate arts. i dont have the money to even step into a single museum so the whole thing in wien was pretty bleh.
-the receptionist of the hostel we stayed was pretty bleh as well. ummm reminds us a lot of our physic teacher, Frau Seul. ladies and gents, she by far, is the worst living nightmare i've encountered. being the physic teacher back in Köln Fachhochschule she often chased those who are late out. never let us go to the loo (who the hell can control their bladder?), and has the creepiest penetrating blue eyes ever. period. and bad breath. and the receptionist lady resembles her a lot. and by a lot i mean physically and mentally. scary berry.

BUDAPEST
-has on average good looking people.
-cute receptionist too.
-a lot of places to see.
-i know i've mentioned this but - good looking people. emm by people i mean guys. dont really have the time to check girls out. terlalu rambang mata. mungkin kalau bernasib baik dapat berkahwin dengan hungarian satu.

PRAGUE
-cheap.
-has this one great chinese restaurant near our hostel. best szechuan i've tasted so far!
-busuk people. drunk people. be careful or they might grab your ass. yelck!
-but overall an ok place to visit.

*******

-blew my budget on this trip
-a lot of people seemed to recognized we're malaysian so i guess kudos to europeans? although i do get a lot of stares here in germany. and occasionally get asked where i'm from or what kind of language we were speaking. hmm

oh. i've been tagged?

8 random facts

1. my true arch nemesises are clowns and worms.

even before It the Clown came out i was never comfortable being around those colorful hideously face-painted creatures. i dont know who came up with the idea of a full grown man with flappy shoes and freaky laugh, but boy, aint he insane. they're not even funny to begin with. and the fact that It the Clown eats children who fear clown doesnt help either. the movie haunts me for years. now i have goosebumps when there's clown nearby. even ronald mcdonald creeps me out. and as for worms - i scream even when its only on the tv. that bad.

2. i may look like this - but i'm actually a couple of pounds to being underweight.

3. this happens a lot recently. i sit. and do absolutely nothing. the room temp is low 20s (celcius). and all of a sudden - mucus meleleh. like its on a mission or something. it wont stop oozing for god knows how long. so i guess this has to count as a talent. or what?

4. i never fail to wear black. and pink is a faux pas.

thanks to It the Clown i used to be scared of colors. haha (zaman bodo) thinking colors might attrack It. emm now its just - hitam itu peryllis. heh. aaanyways black represents elegance. if not - then why would coco chanel invent 'the little black dress'. and its friggin epidemic! everyone has the little black dress (malu nak mengaku tapi aku pon ade haha). can you imagine 'the little pink dress'? ugh faux pas faux pas!! what a crime. i am - of course - already out of the phase in life where everything i own is black. i've evolved. but pink is still unforgiven. no matter how you put it.

5. i'm very into k-pop. (korean popculture for those who knows jack)

i could talk about it for hours. dan seperti melempar minyak kedalam api (betul ke? belasaahh laa) housemateku jua sebegini rupa. and honestly, if i saw anyone looking slightly asian i have this wishful thinking that they're korean. and i would quietely get closer to them trying to hear what they're saying. and if they're korean hahah i'll get all excited and do somewhat a personal listening test just to check my vocab pot. psychotic, i know. pathetic, maybe. but hey, now i can at least watch korean variety shows without sub and still understand. ooooooo how i wish i could do a homestay.

6. i am a magnet to weirdos.

still don't understand why but most guys who asked me out are weirdos. they're prolly just plain jack and i'm the one who compels the weirdness out of them. i don't know. they're weird. no details here.

7. i tend to forget crucial stuff. i've told this before. like, i know there's something i need to do. and i'm thinking real hard what. for a whole 5 minutes i would sit and think really hard. then i feel it - kene berak. sekarang!

8. people acting randomly. makes me. happy. macam jung min. of ss501. sexy devil.


im taggin:

crystal
k.lisa
k.mai
milo
chibi

the fuck with people blocking their blogs??

i do not want to be older. shit man in a month i'll be twenty bloody two. i hadnt done anything just yet. what about surfing? and skim boarding? and sky diving? and latin dance classes?

emmmm graduate? hah. lambat lagi kot.



beluuum beluuumm im not ready nak keluar teenage years (because technically im still 21). o wait my head just went blank. now i forgot what i initially wanted to write. so... ciao.

o shizzz. its getting pretty old with writers block.

this used to be my sanctuary!!!

i even wrote a poem (haha) about a witch (haha give and take a letter).

not only im inarticulate these past days, i cant even write.

what heppenggg? partly prolly cause there were too many silent readers (hey if not u who can i blame)

aaaaanyways paper hari cam..... fuck. (sila baca dengan nada expressionless) and then semua bende la aku nak langga kan. lepas habis cussing semua benda aku langga, tibak aku pegi masak. pegi masak. pegi masak? pegi masak yooo!!! macam sakai ok aku. tekanan perasaan pegi masak. how or more appropriate when did i became this lame? ugh.

yea one bitching coming up. peace out y'all.

bahagia betul duduk serumah dengan orang suka memasak ni.


hari ni aku dapat makan lemang dan rendang.


kat melesia pon tak macam ni.

Heath Ledgers dead. it breaks my heart. he's one of those people that i thought just plain talented. demn.

woh. personal discovery. rupanya iris mata orang berbeza-beza. iris aku bunga-bunga. tak caya?? heh





ok la mata aku dah kedut-kedut belum 22 tahun lagi. sebab selalu pull all-nighter (ceyywah). tapi sumpah tak pakai kontek lens sumpah tak edit. just guna kemere bangsa bapak je. dan lighting toilet. kalau tengok betul-betul boleh nampak shaz dalam anak mata aku. betapa authenticnya.

sesi perasan yang keji ini berhenti disini. ciao.

GAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

FUCKETY FUCKETY FUCK.




@ @
O






this is sad. cause i've got nowhere but to vent it here.

ok cover baru. ini namanya tade keje carik keje.

sebab exam nak dekat so baru sekarang terhegeh nak buat relationship dengan gita.

banyak flaw. ini yang kite cari, yah.

i love randomness. i dont and i cant believe that the brain works thematically. hmm at least not mine. and you know whos the best at randomness? communitychannel. i SWEAR i never layan vloggers on youtube. because that would make me very.. umm.. like, a weird internet freak who never goes out and socialize? emm come to think of it, aku kurang sikit dosa kurang cakap kurang kutuk lebih jaga mata. hahaHAHAHAHAhahaha. what a load of wank. but yes. i do watch communitychannel.

i dont wear my glasses all the time, thus the often sight probs and relying-on-friends-tell-me-what-the-hell-it-says thingy. amazingly enough, i can spot acceptable mediocre to very hot but ko-ol looking opposite sex anytime of the day. which makes my closest people wonder. i dont know. its THE radar, mannn. i have no control over it. oh yea, i have very good gaydar too. except for this one time, i went into starbucks the other day and was so highlariously in a good mood the moment i stepped in. i turned my head everywhere and asked myself, where do these beauuutiful people coming from?? and 3 mins later this friend of mine told me - theres a pride parade going on out there. demmit. she has to just open her mouth and say it. i guess my gaydar isnt that great after all.

bottomline. randomness is radical.

and is it THAT weird if i say i really want to take up latin dance class? like, seriously. i didnt think so. i told a few memss and they were, like, 'uh? emmmm yea. whatever you like.' uhuh. they gave me the cold shoulder. its all about passion, y'all. anyhoo, we saw this part where a couple was dancing to salsa or sth in a music vid, its fastball-the way methinks. there were these sharp moments where the guy pulled the girl to his chest and suddenly, in the middle of the night, this guy friend of mine said, 'i want to know how to dance this.'

and. i. was. literally. gagging.


in my head i was, like, the eff?? it has never occur to me that a malay guy would say something like that. not from anyone that i know. or at least not from him. not from anyone decent lah konklusi. bukan la aku tak decent tapi aku perempuan, so lain la. kot? tapi the question that he made - which has been in my mind for a couple of years now - 'macam mana kalau spouses kite tak nak? susah la, aku kena cari wife yang nak buat jugak. macam ko gak ah, kena carik husband yang into benda ni.' hahahaHAHAHAH macam jahanam kan soalan?? hmm i know. and thats why i came up with a solution - if my husband wont do this, i'll get me some gay hunk. spanish preferably. haaa fair and square. eh tapi nyah aku tak mauu.. nanti siapa susah? akaaaaaaaakk jugakk nyahh!

sudaaaaaaaaaaahh. hentikan pemikiran sia-sia iniiii


o well at least i dont write some bimbo crap about me shopping or what a great day i had taking kawaii pictures or god knows what else bimbos - or bimboes? - write.


lala mahuuu esketinnnnnnn.


this is too random, even for me.

out of words. this is plain randomness.

yea kemere waterproofku belum di try test lagi dalam air. selain air sirap raya. dalam periuk nasik.

the fuck was i doinnnn??

so shaz wanted to aplod the pic to his frenster based on the reason he was never in the pictures. and i said hell nooooo. siapakah kuang haja hangkat gamba candid aku tengah bersakaiii??

and he said he'll aplod the so-called liza-dicrop. yang ropanya lagi macam keji.






walau apa pon, tidakkah anda perasan bahawasanya walaupon muka mereka masing-masing nampak tenang, dan muka aku extrabeganza expressionnya, tapi gamba aku yang paling clear. hahahahahahahaha apa tandanya tu??

started the day with not a very good mood.

so decided to sing a song. that i've never been able to tarik. and play. plus i got hingus. so it makes it even better.

at least i laughed. enjoy hehe






kesian tak? aku demam woii.

o demmit.

know how homer's head full of donuts, and bacon, and beer, and cream pie and.. o well ya get what i mean. hmmm... creaaaaammm pieeee..*drool~* (you don't know simpson if you don't get this)

anyways. now my head's full of guns and roses. cis.

this is priceless. if you've seen most of wentworth's interview, then you know he's a boring blob. but in this one, ya ampuuuun.. he seems happier. ahaahahaha bless the korean.

p/s: saranghaeyo~~ part is too much to handle. too much i tell you. uppaaa!!

the intial intention of me hitting these keyboard keys is to primarily bitch. about everything. but know what? screw that.

wow im happier these days. last winter i was seriously depressed i was even thinking of taking prozac ke apa ntah. for real. now, i barely swear. except masa main wii. sebab kadang-kadang remote die macam jahanam. aku dah penat buat aksi menumbuk, mii tu dok bediri macam tiang. cis. mungkin sebab aku semangat extravaganza.

aaaanyyhoooo.. this upcoming christmas hols is nerrrrrve wrecking. not about seeing glaces. which i know its gonna be a blast. but hmm. hmmmmmmm. hmm how do i put this into words?

gotta 'fess up. he wanted to see me. wow i know this is new to some. hmmmm. so. gotta shave some pounds. gotta look good. ya know, to show i've moved on? not that i havent. yish habis la. aku dah jadi perempuan habis. buduh ke tidak ni??

i thought i've moved on. i'm waaay much happier if compared to those days. but. the second he told me that we've gotta do some catching up, we should berkofi-kofi, my heart didnt just skip a beat. it was going 100 beats per min i swear i thought i was having a heart attack.

now. what dya say bout that? sheesh. this is just pathetic. i should get over this.




tell me tell me t-t-t-t tell me.

got this from kevjumba. yuck. seriesli.


-------> YOU MUST READ THIS <-------

i loiike this one.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight minis skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story : always keep your condoms in your car.

yesshhh gamba raya cantik baru dapat! computer crashed, ni notebuk orang so cant edit gamba. this is the best i can do. click here for the rest

gosh. i know i know. ive never intended to talk about politics in here but this is insanely ridiculous. i can watch this every day and laugh my ass off without fail.


this is our MINISTER OF INFORMATION trying to dodge bullets during an interview with Al-Jazeera. a must watch. i dont take sides, but his answers... Allah.. macam bergaduh dengan membe kat tepi longkang. baik aku je jadik menteri. lebih matang dan diplomatik. i hope people wouldnt think that this is malaysian's standard of english and maturity.




in case you guys cant catch up what hes talking about; (credits thecicak.com)

ZAM: ….I commend your journalists trying to project, to exaggerate more than what actually happened. That, that, that, that’s it. We, we are not, the, the — and I, I congratulate your journalists behaving like an actor, that, that’s —

AJ: As you say that, sir, we’re watching scenes of protesters being sprayed by chemical-filled water …

ZAM (interrupts): Ya, I am watching, I hear, [?] …. trying to do it everywhere but in Malaysia people are allowed, to, you know [?] … Police have allowed the procession to go to the Istana Negara, you know, do police, first police, like, they handle them, they [?] them, they … the police don’t, don’t, don’t fire anybody …

AJ: Our correspondent came back to the office, sir, with chemicals in his eyes!

ZAM (speaking over her): … You, you, you, you are here with the idea, you are trying to project, what is your mind, you think that we are Pakistan, we are Burma, we are Myanmar, everything you, you are thinking …

AJ: Well unfortunately when you refuse to let people protest, it does appear so.

ZAM (speaking over her): …Ya, ya, we are not like you, you have early perception, you come here, you want to project us like undemocratic country. This a democratic country!

AJ: So why can’t people protest then, if it’s a democratic country?

ZAM (interjects at “protest then”): Ya, people protest, people then — first they protest, we are allowing protests, and they have demonstrated. But we just trying to disperse them and then later they, you know, disperse, but later our police compromise. They have compromised and allowed them to proceed to Negara. Police, our police have succeeded in handling them gently, right? Why do you report that and you take the opposition, someone from opposition party you ask him to speak, you don’t take from the government, right?

AJ: Why did you not break up these protesters –

ZAM (interrupting): Pardon? Pardon? Pardon?

AJ: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?

ZAM: I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you.

AJ: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?

ZAM: No we, we are, we, this protest is illegal. We don’t want, this, the, normally … (slight pause, then continues to talk while she interjects)

AJ (interjecting): OK, so let me return to my former question. Why is this protest illegal?

ZAM (babbling on): Ya it’s illegal protest because (AJ: Why?) we have the election in Malaysia. It’s no, no point on having the protest, we are allowing to have every, an election every five years, never fail. We not our like, are not like Myanmar, not like other country. And, and you are helping this. You Al-Jazeera also is helping this, this forces, the, you know, these forces who are not [?], who don’t believe in [?] …

AJ (seems to want to say something, but decides not to): I don’t … many thanks for joining us.

ZAM: I don’t, ya, you, Jazeera, this is, is Al-Jazeera attitude. Right?

(she doesn’t reply <--- tension la tu. In the background, the chants of the protesters fill the silence)





ps: Zainuddin Maidin ; Beliau memperoleh diploma dalam kewartawanan dari Institut Kewartawanan Berlin pada 1969. <----- ahahahahahaha! alamak! nanti aku pon jadik macam ni ke?? tidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakk!

eh. cam biskut.

dah ada awan balik. hii..





bila komputer aku nak idup balik neeeehhh?? emo saiko2 la niii.



since when main boling n pool bulih sengal kaki a? sapa leh tolong jawab?

aa syit.

theyve deleted the images.

image header yg comel2 atas awan.

cis.




tell me tell me t-t-t-t-t-t tell me. randomness.

Rock n Roll

ihi. gedik je aku. sbb aku keco kat glace kan aku cam nari2, ari ni aku aplod vid nari masa GDO aka Girls Day Out Germany.

as an encore performance terabur babur gak tapi alaaaaa enjoy jela kan?



Online Videos by Veoh.com

oooooooooooo everything about this song is addictive. the lyrics. the dance routine. ESP the dance routine. agh even the expressions!



Online Videos by Veoh.com



and apparently it isnt me alone. its the rest of the world:

wuuuu. worst nightmare. vaio sayangku crashed.

demmit.

but ironically i'm twisting n shoutin.


rock n roll, y'all!!!!

Memandangkan saya raya esok, ingin saya mengucapkan

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Semoga Syawal 1428 ini membawa kegembiraan

p/s : ceyy ayat x le bla.

ok guess what? we're finally having english class this sem. and i thought - oh ok. this is soo my forte. since summer, i had come to realize that my english is currently very umm unfeasible (?), if thats the right way of saying it. in short - memalukan.

so i thought - oh well, we're finally taking english and maybe, just maybe i can write/talk about something substancial. but my first english class , o dear lord forgive me for this ;


VERB : to add up
NOUN : addition
SIGN/SYMBOL : +(plus)
EXAMPLE : 5 + 3 = 8
EVERYDAY USE : 5 and 3 is 8



to add up?? TO ADD UP?? ADDITION??? the fuuuckk is this????






kebas otak ke tidak?? you tell me.

ok seriously after being a frigging blogging-sloth for a long time, the momentum just doesnt seem to kick in.

interesting enough, the thing that actually makes me start to write again - oh well, sebab aku mahu puji diri sendiri. sebab nak bagitahu satu dunia, aku buat murtabak sendiri!! kahkah. tak main la segera-segera ni (*kenyit mata kepada intan).

after going through one week ramadhan in malaysia and then coming back here to continue the rest of the holy month - wow - baru rasa macam bersyukur gila duduk malaysia. hari-hari pergi bazaar pon tak apa. walaupun jam sial kat sec14 tu. semata-mata kerana gua nak murtabak. i never knew myself that im such a big fan of it till then.

lepas tu the day we arrived here, berbuka dengan seronding dan telur goreng (because there were nothing else in the fridge. kalau ada pun aku macam was-was nak makan. 2 bulan yo.. macam-macam aktiviti bulih berlaku. termasuk aktiviti pemandirian species kulat dan cendawan). konklusi hari pertama buka puasa di bocholt : sedih sebab makanan gila tak best.

even after 3 weeks the desire to gob murtabak never seemed to cease. thus the effort to finally materialize the craving. dan hasil;

jeng jeng!

PUAS HATI OKAYYY!

walaupun bentuk tak sekata, aku dah tak heran sama murtabak bazaar ramadhan! (cey.. sebnanya nak kata murtabak aku sama taraf dengan yang kat kedai - just in case korang tak reti nak interpret).

konklusi entry kali ini : nak muntah tak baca entry puji diri sendiri ini? jangan muntaaaaah, nanti batal posa. lalala.

lagu ini jahat. kenapa sepanjang-panjang masa lain dia tak mahu main dalam kepala tapi masa tengah jawab paper dia nak kelua? ha? sapa nak jawab ni?


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Lee Seung Gi - Because You're My Woman

wuhuu!! (ala homer dan bart)


gamba melepak dan gath telah selesa di muatnaik. sekian.


sila klik ---------> potopeges saya

sebab fp weng dua tiga hari ni aku aplod la skit2 kat sini. heh.

aku masuk lelain later. btw kemere piya gamba lagi best.

UPDATES !!

trip ke Penang --------> sila klik

eff this cause this sucks.

wuuuu saya rindu glace. mahu ke zaman muda-mudi dahulu.. they put the GLAD in GLADIATORS.


tapi tak mahu ada YM. sebab dia saiko. lala.

ugh. my skin just doesnt do me any justice!!

i fuuuucking hate itttt!!!

and my stubby little fingers too.

i just think its not fair at all for people who have long fingers but they dont appreciate them by not doing anything. not doing anything, i mean, not manipulating the great length of the fingers to optimum usage.

seriously. macam tak aci gila orang jari panjang-panjang hanya pergi buat manicure ja. who the hell cares how your fingers look like?? well, yea okay. people care. but even worse, people who never did manicure. ambik jari aku aja laaa.

it kills me because everytime i played the piano i have to play the keys extra fast (sebab stubby tak boleh reach one whole octave). and i cant play power chords on guitars (sebab jari cam cacat tak boleh nak stay still for the posture). etc etc. cant think of any anymore but those kept me crazy alright.

if i could go under the knife to mend my fingers, i prolly would. i kid, i kid, i wont. oh wait. but would i?? hmm.

so anyways this is prolly the hormone talking. or the rashes on my face talking. its driving me up the wall, like, sheeeeesssssssshhhhhhhh!! my face is oily one day and on the other it would just dry up and peel off. and for the love of god, stop hurting me! it hurts like a burning devil. so every 2 hours i would grunt like a grizzly bear and then rub my face all over like a cat cleaning his face and then as a finale - i holler. like a distressed maniac. which i am.

lala. and im having mechanic exam in less than 48 hours. icing of the cake.

sudah bertahun-tahun saya suka lagu ini.

Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana
Artist: Smap

There's no need to be No. 1
you've always been a very special only one.

I saw many kinds of flowers lined up in front of the flowershop.
everyone has their favorite kinds but all of them are pretty.
Without competing to see which was the best among them,
they were standing straight up proudly inside the bucket.
So why then do we humans have to compare ourselves to one another?
Eventhough each and every person is different,
why do we want to be number one?
Yes we are each..

a flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.

There are people who are constantly unsure of what they want,
as they laugh a little put out.
It can't be helped, all those flowers,
that did everything they could to bloom, are pretty.
when at last that person comes out of the store,
they're holding a colorful bouquet
and I see them smiling happilly as they go by me.
I never knew their name but
that day they made me smile.

we too are like flowers that bloom in places where no one pays any attention.
Yes we too are each...

a flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.

Small flowers and big flowers, none are the same as one another.
There's no need to be No. 1
you've always been a very special only one.

aw man.

ingatkan tengok balik back to the future trilogy would stink. because i hate the 80s. tapi masa dulu kan filem tu macam meletop.

oh but wow. masih meletop-letop. hehe.


i loiike!

pernahkah anda mempunyai barang yang anda dapat/jumpa/secara kebetulan berada di dalam pencil box anda semasa waktu sekolah dahulu? iyah saya ada. hehe.

sebatang pencil mekanikal berwarna hijau. saya pon tak pasti macam mana pencil itu bulih menjadi kepunyaan saya. mungkin saya pinjam daripada rakan saya dan terlupa untuk pulangkan. mungkin ada orang yang terjumpa pensel itu dan mencampaknya kedalam pencl box saya yang besar dan menyerupai beg mekap itu. atau mungkin kerana meja saya selalu sangat bersepah dan semua sampah masuk dalam beg saya (yang berwarna putih-lama-lama-jadi-kelabu itu).

aaah walau atas apa-apa sebab pon, pensel itu telah menjadi barang kegemaran saya. saya rasa saya akan teramat sangat sedih sekali sekiranya saya hilangkan pensel itu. walaupun saya tidak pernah tahu brand apakah pensel itu - sebab batang brand pensel itu telah patah sejak pertama kali saya terpandang ia. nasib baik saya memegang pensel tersebut semasa beg saya dicuri di KBU. (walaupun saya pecah hati jugak kerana graphic kalkeleter TEXAS saya hilang lesap tanpa bayang).

apa yang saya cuba ketengahkan ialah - takkan hilang SSP selama saya bersama pensel itu. dan barang free memang saya simpan elok-elok. heheh.

kerana niki nak denga schnappi, aku letak schnappi balik. hahah cam mtv demand lak.

------------------

aaaanyways.

my life recently has been so disgusting. ugh. disgusting even i cant stand it.

not on anybody's account but solely mine.

sloth, people, is one of the deadliest sin. ooooooo suweet suuweeet sin. but deadly. and disgusting. and if sloth is something solid that stick on me, i'd just scrap my back till i bleed. unfortunately, procrastination is, i personally believe, another deadly sin. so, ya see, to even scrap the sloth, i'd procrastinate.

hmph. self-loathing is pathetic. i'm disgusting.

schnee schnaa schnappi.. schnappi schnappi schnapp!!

fuckety fuckety fuck.

guess what?

its never a good idea to sleep back after pulling an all-nighter and hope that you'll wake up in an hour time. its like going against the natural law. youre gonna be black-out prone.

so my plan was to wake up at 7 and leave for class at 730. guess what? i woke up at 846. elly mustve been screaming to drag me out of bed. i. just. couldnt. hear. her. so i slept back, thinking - oh tak apalah. i just missed the class. ill go for the labs.

but guess what?? i woke up 15 min before lab starts.

the fuck??? my brain swirled like a tornado, causing my muscles to act the same. i hadnt printed out my lab report thats due today. but i panicked too much to control what im doing.

so i called and called and called elly. tough luck, coverage's really bad at school. so now she pretty much doesnt know whats going on, im missing for lab.

called shaz. he said - oh tak apa la. kalo ko kena buat lab later, aku tak pergi jugak hari ni. kite buat later a. bless his soul. not that i mind doing it alone. alah sempoi je pon.

so now, i guess elly mustve been cursing us for not coming and giving her a heads up, putting her in the spotlight - an uncomfortable one, i might add. (because 1) she'll be question prone during lab and 2)people will ask questions of our absence - and she knows jack.)

oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

i hadnt slept.

and i got class at 8. (cewah pergi kelas)

but i still am gonna sleep.




so help me God to drag my ass off bed.

aku mengaku. aku suka lagu ska.

tahu mana aku pertama kalinya dengar pasal ska? PKN. oleh mat-mat rempit semodul dengan aku. walaupun aku seratus peratus tidak menyokong aktiviti malam mereka, aku terpaksa mengaku. taste muzik mereka boleh digunapakai. lawak mereka juga boleh digunapakai. walaupun memang tidak hilang unsur-unsur kerempitan, tetapi sekurang-kurangnya mereka tidak menyelitkan lawak-lawak apek/senario (yang aku langsung tidak paham).

apa-apa pun, lagu ska sedap. tidak sesemak lagu hiphop. yang merimaskan. apabila mendengar lagu ska aku merasakan seperti berada di tepi pantai. yelah, ala-ala reggae/surf music.

menyentuh subject surfing, semalam aku bermimpi bahwasanya bapak aku menjadi seorang surfer. heh. cool jugak.

but you know what they say about surfers. they're beach bums. and that's never a good thing.

apa-apa la. aku bebal elektrik+elektronik. (<-- tak berkaitan langsung).

call me slow.

but i absolutely had no idea that malaysia now ban pan-asians from advertisements.

wow. so now maya karin isnt gonna be in any ad anytime soon, huh? yela tuuuu.

anyways thats not any of my concerns at all. the thing about ads in malaysia that i personally find irritating is, the shenanigans they uttered although in bm but oh so rich of accent.

i. absolutely. find. it. appalling.

hanya dolly can pull it off. because she got the personality. and the velvety tone.

bukan the high frequency that you usually hear during maxis/clean n clear/apa-apa ad berkenaan dengan teenagers. the squeaking high pitch with a splash of gedikness (ala-ala nora danish) chichied with fake accent. mengada.

and thats how young people (who thought they somewhat belong to the upper class of the society) now in malaysia speak.

muse me some more.

ach. pressure, ohne Scheiß.

i am officially a terry pratchett/neil gaiman fan. reading all their books - it is worth every second.






aku dah try betulkan page ni. however i cant seem to see what the problem is. apa-apa sila infrom aku yah?

oh the horror.

today was the first time i was asked to explain a proses in class. oh the horror.

of all the questions, why ask me about x-ray, huh? kenapaaa?? i could explain magnetpulver verfahren, i could explain dye-check verfahren oh so fluently. even eddy current. the fuck with x-ray??

i started with a smile. then i had the nerve to ask the prof if i could explain things in english.

hahah. oh the catastrophic incident.

i ended up speaking in deutschlish. macam manglish. english kejap deutsch kejap.

lanch betul ah. after the whole nightmare i exhaled. oh so loudly. mustve been a good entertaintment for them all.

aku malu okayy? what a boost of self-esteem.

harharhar. aku macam high. tak betul sekejap.

know why? i stumbled upon this acapella trio, and thought they were somewhat of latino heredity, because of the crazy eyebrows. then i saw -->THIS<--

eh? macam ternganga kejap. bahasa melayu?? lagu 'madu dan racun' pulak tu? tapi, hensem gila. but then, i dont know. shaz ngan elly macam suka kutuk taste aku. (cuba pikir, kalau tak ada orang taste macam aku kan, siapa nak suka orang yang tak ada classic good looks?? jawab sapa nak jawaaab?) anyways, sekali pandang macam straight, dua kali macam gay. i dont know, they could pass either way, i guess.

so, aku tunjuk elly. harhar. dia naik sheikh jugak, masuk mode stalker. you do not wanna know what we effin did. lame-o.

itu aja. daily dosage of good looking people. in this case. half french half bali.

just wanted to spread the love. or my infatuation.

Ocean Ridge.




this is unbearable.

unfuckingbelieveable!! i stumbled upon this website call cookingforengineers.com.

harhar. apparently its for those with analytical minds.

seriously, its even better than a lab manual.


anyone who uses the site as reference that manages to mess up while experimenting, i tell you - he's a loser. sia-sia ja hidup.

sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. kemudian dicurah pula air basuh ikan pada hari bersalji.

iyah begitulah perasaan saya.

this is by far the most challenging sem. like, ever.

i expect something good coming out of this. really.

thank god i enjoy classes. or maybe classmates. heheh.






p/s: semua mogok blogging ke? saya jua begitu.

selepas selesai memasak nasi lemak hari ini, baruku sadari,



aku tak hebat kopek telur ropanya. maka dengan otomatiknya, peribahasa gebu seperti telur tidak boleh digunakan, sebab ropa telur rebus aku maha dasyat daripada kawah bulan.

sekian dahulu.

how come when it comes to technical terminology, wikipidea english version macam sampah ja if compared to deustch?? hah? jawab sapa nak jawab nii??

sampah betul sampai aku kena bukak dua tiga web nak cari satu meaning.

SAMPAH.

cycling and health

Cycling is good for your heart and health

Everyday cycling, where the exercise leaves you breathing heavily but not being out of breath, is an effective and enjoyable form of aerobic exercise. This is the type of exercise that is most effective at promoting good health. For example, cycling reduces the risk of serious conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity and the most common form of diabetes.

One rough calculation suggests that new cyclists covering short distances can reduce their risk of death (mainly due to the reduction of heart disease) by as much as 22 per cent.

-no way! i cycle more than 40 mins a day. 4 times a week. and the fact that i automatically inherite all deseases mentioned above now i think my whole family needs to cycle from now on.

Cycling will help with weight management

Cycling can be part of a programme to lose weight because it burns the energy supplied by a chocolate bar or a couple of alcoholic drinks in an hour (about 300 calories). A 15-minute bike ride to and from work five times a week burns off the equivalent of 11 pounds of fat in a year. That kind of cycling pattern also meets the Government's latest target on exercise: that we should take part in some mild to moderate physical activity that leaves us out of breath for at least 30 minutes five times a week.

-em cant verify this much.

Cycling can improve your mood

Cycling can have positive effects on how we feel too. Moderate exercise has been found to reduce levels of depression and stress, improve mood and raise self-esteem, and has also been found to relieve symptoms of premenstrual syndrome.

-i prefer to believe that my mood depends on who i see in class every day. jeje *insert expression getis*

AND I MADE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE BY BEING ENVIRONMENT-FRIENDLY.

facts cited from here

i finally understood the pleasure of going to class.

ya know, i've never noticed how good looking my classmates are. all these while kan, these people have been wearing knitwear which prolly their mother made. ngeheh.

so sekarang kan everybody's starting to show off some skin. siap seluar pendek bunga-bunga hawaii.

ahah oh i loiiike!! and they started to look like they shower in the morns.

fuh pendek kata - semmmat ah.

so hari ni kan, sepanjang hari aku dan elly good mood nak mati sebab satu hari ni usha classmates kami. mamat yang selama ni tak pernah masuk list comel pon dah makin semmat. uish teruja ok. nothings new to shaz ahah gay ah kalo ko usha laki jugak. so shaz rasa hari ni seksa gila sebab kelas menggelupur buhsan.

aku suka spring n_______n

6 things about me

instead of 6 weird things, i decided 6 things about me that makes me authentic is even more appropriated. hari ni baru ada mood mahu taip.

1. benci uberhyped stuff. no offence to the whole world - but seriously, friendster, rock the world gigs, akademi fantasia dan yang seketurunan dengannya macam 'lame' nak mampos. bukan aku nak meluahkan perasaan yang berbaur keji ini, tapi sesungguhnya wahai rakyat malaysia, marilah kita beramai-ramai menaikkan taraf citarasa masing-masing. aku nak mengutuk bukannya aku tak tengok AF tu, aku tengok. tapi setiap persembahan aku tak tahan lebih daripada 3 minit. PITCHY siaaaalllllll!!! bukannya aku nak cakap suara aku ni sedap sangat, tapi sebab aku tahu suara aku tak sedap aku tak pegi menyanyi. walaupun dengan ilmu muzik aku yang berperingkat amatur ini, aku masih bulih menilai dengan KONFIDEN betapa flat atau sharp atau instable atau bervibrato hampasssssss suara peserta-peserta yang tidak berbakat tersebut. lawak aznil pon lame. sorry again to the whole world.

2. boleh duduk depan komputer berjam-jam. bak pandangan wallpaper aku ;



3. obsesi aku terhadap sesuatu benda/orang tidak dapat dipadamkan dengan mudahnya. mahupon begitu aku hangat-hangat tahi ayam sekiranya wujud suatu azam yang baru.

4. aku merasakan sesuatu yang berbaur euforia sekiranya aku mempunyai luka luaran. ala-ala masochism.

5. find talented/genius but psychotic people extremely fascinating. contoh;

• Tyler Durden - founder of Fight Club
• Jean-Baptiste Grenouille - murderer/perfume genius
• Miss Darling - psychotic mum, who loves her son- Loverboy - oh so much
• Hannibal Lecter - need i say much?
• Mr. Ripley - too commercial to explain..

dan lain-lain yang sebangsa dengannya.

6. empathetic and hypocrite at the same time. sebab kadang-kadang aku kesian kat peminta sedekah, tapi aku paling muka ke arah lain, dan tidak memberi sedekah. dan itu membuatkan aku seorang yang sangat hipokrit.

aaaahh.

mahu mencuba nafas baru.

tapi hasil masih macam dodol hangus.

page ini kelam kabut.

time walked away. and left me here.

i dont get why people tend to get so extremely ntah apa-apa dalam blog. macam living a lie.

come on la.

you know, i tend not to judge people through blogs. because the fact that most people will write something that they thought people wont even want to hear about. petty things. macam aku la. sapa nak denga yang aku selalu rasa macam constipated bila aku tak cukup tido? or me bitching over my stupid taya pancit? kan? so tak payah nak pura-pura as if everything is ok. as if you never undergo anger.

please la. i mean, shit happens. i know and i accept the fact that shit happens. but that doesnt mean i dont experience anger. once in a while. emmm all the while. apa-apa la. asal aku menerima qada dan qadar.

oh aku sebenarnya tak ada masalah dengan orang sebegini. sebab mereka tidak mencampakkan permasalahan mereka terhadap aku, but my point is - be real.

oh aku sebenarnya menggelupur kebosanan tihihi sebab itu cari masalah.

lala. peace out.

p/s : whoa that youtube chic Esmee Denters already made it big, huh? sakit perut jugak aku denga dia menyanyi. kalau aku try menyanyi macam dia aku terus cirit kot.

you knew it when you have red blotch in your eyes.

you knew it when things around you relvove but you cant seem to notice.

you knew it when you took all the crap you can but you still feel constipated.

you knew it when the person next to you is talking non stop and you cant seem to give any appropriate respond.

welcome to living the life like a zombie.





aaaghh aku tak cukup tido aaaa!!

growing up, we used to listened to people saying we should have our priorities straight. or else we'll be cooking the recipe of unsatisfying life. or so they said.

but seriously, aside from God, who are we to say what is more important than the other?
because honestly, even if we believed whole-heartedly that we chose something important over the other, the worrying doesnt stop there. it never does.

its almost impossible to progress with one step at a time. that would just mean you're neglecting everything else just to focus on one thing. but to juggle every ball that are been thrown to you along the way seemed illogical as well.

so... why prioritise? why plan? life could just throw you completely off plan when you expect it the least. but can we actually survive just with going with the flow?

hmm and to think that you knew. life is sooo underrated.

huii aku betul-betul tak paham tau. apsal kan, bila aku sungguh bersemangat waja nak ke kelas, ada ja halangan menanti.

meh aku bitau dengan banggonya. last week kan, attendance aku pergi kelas betul-betul full. tak ada satu kelas pon aku tuang. lepas tu aku ingat nak pergi la joli kat amsterdam kejap. ala stay sana dua tiga jam ja. semata-mata nak makan seafood fresh murah. tapi sebab asyik berkejar-kejar serta berjalan-jalan dengan banyak sekali di muenster akan kerana persediaan bbq, maka otot betis aku rasa macam nak putus macam getah expired. balik-balik depade muenster, sekali aku tengok tayar belakang beskal aku kempis. wuiii, dah la aku rasa nak muntah dok dalam bas nak dekat 3 jam, otot kaki aku rasa cam nak putus, naik beskal pulak kena slow mo. kalo letak keta lembu sebelah aku, konpem aku kalah.

aku ingat pergi pam tayar kat kedai minyak kira setel ah masalah. memang setel pon. hari tu je la. esoknya hari senin aku nak pi kelas aku tengok die kempis balik. selow mo lagi aku bawak beskal pegi. singgah kedai minyak lagik. dia takmo naik. abis aku bawak la seiring dan sejalan beskal aku tu sejauh 5 km dengan perasaan sakit hati dan sakit kaki. nak bawak pergi kedai tak bulih aku dah lambat. dalam hati aku kata, 'wokey lized, sodh ba ro. saje je ni, test, nak pi kelas, dugaan macam gini, dapat pahala banyak wo.'

dah la masa dalam kelas aku lost gila. aphal la cikgu ni cakap cepat gila. macam syok sendiri. menyampah aku. satu verb pon aku takle nak tangkap. tibak datang period pain lagi aku menyampah. sakit perut ada, sakit pinggang ada, nak muntah pon ada.

kelua je kelas aku pandang tayar beskal huii rasa cam nak campak ja masuk belukar. tapi sebab berat. dan aku sakit perut, sakit pinggang, dan sakit kaki. dan lapa. so aku seiring sejalan dengan beskal pujaan hati aku itu. singgah la lagi kedai minyak cuba nasib mana tau kot-kot dia mau naik. sebab bocholt ni kecik aku saspek semua kedai minyak utama telah aku singgahi semata-mata sebab taya bodo satu tu. dia takmo jugak naik. maka aku berjalan lagi 2 km ke innercity aka pekan dengan periet pain dan otot sengal. kat mulut aku 'sodh ba ro. sodh ba ro'. dalam hati, 'celaka kau tayar. yish fuckety fuckety fuck!'

sampai kat kedai kan, orang tu kata warranty aku tak bulih nak selamatkan tayar. so aku kena baya nak dekat 30 euro. semata-mata taya pecah tu?? aku angguk je la. malas nak layan. bila aku bulih dapat balik beskal mengada-ngada tu? dia kata hari kamis.

hah?? habis aku nak naik apa pergi kelas ni? (cewah. dengan penuh berkobar-kobar aku mahu pergi kelas)

jawapannya.. aku mesti bangun pukul 5.30 pagi mandi sebab housemate aku ada policy kena bangun 1 hour and a half before klua rumah. so kalo klua rumah 7.30 dia bangun pukul 6. aku slalu bangun pukul 6.30 tapi sebab transportation malfunction maka aku kena setel mandi before dia mandi. sebab bas aku naik pukul 6.58am. mana sempat kalo bgn pukul 6.30. bukan tu aja, setakat jauh 5 km tu pon aku kena tuka-tuka bas. itulah bodonya public trenspot kat bocholt ni.

maka aku pon tak pergi kelas pagi tadi, sebab aku malas betul nak layan ujian ini. keh keh.

tapi dengan semangatnya aku dah siap-siap sapu choc spread kat roti so esok aku bulih telan ja. oh syit betul dah pukul 10.45pm. dah kang esok aku tak bangun.

NEED. TO. FIND. A. WALKING. SOLACE. PRONTO!

i used to think that self-improvement is self-masturbation. brings nothing but arrogance. but i guess i kinda figured it was actually a lame excuse for my own shortcomings.

because i have no sense of competition at all. for i dont care if people around me are progressing, becoming a better person as a whole. that has no effect on me whatsoever. unless if i wanted something for myself, then i'll start scraping my way out.

but the thing is, im already in the state of cryptobiosis. and im complacent with where i am. until recently.

so i guess life has shown me the reflection of complacency that i have brought upon myself. not thrilling, in general. and in a way, reflects arrogance as well.

and then i learn, from the people that i have so much respect for, over and over again, that they have never in their life being under the spell of self-approbation. some might even call it greed. well whatever they need to say to themselves to help them to sleep at night.

now i'm game.

so i watched kate moennig making out with ian somerhalder.

tak tahu kenapa..

hati aku yang berbunga-bunga.



iyalah dua orang yang aku rasa sangat panas bersama.. huhuh aku yang membara.

this ad here is soo whack, i cant keep my face straight when my boss spoke english.



we always got confused, cause when he said thick - we thought its sig (as is sigma).

and ultimately, when he says, 'i sink... that....'

watch the vid, you'll understand.

14th march

i turn twenty bleeping one.

einstein died.

its pi day.

and im having maths final.


how more mathematical can today be??



p/s : best jugak makan goreng(nasi+pisang) pagi-pagi. muahahahaha

yea okay since issue gay o straight is out, i just wanted to confess something.

i am straight.

but looking at shane, just standing there, on screen, this just hits me.

am i straight? am i straight?? am i??? cause if i am, then im not suppose to feel this.

ngahaha but justification after justification;

• just think, les sex is soo petty. you know what i mean if you know the L word. a lot of work to ensure 2 women actually undergo orgasm.
• i am religious. im not saying im pious, but im religious. hahah.
• emm thats it. i think my first and second justifications are strong enough.

so, yes. i am damn straight.



but what the heck. if shane (and only shane alone) wanna make out (and make out alone, no dildos no nothing) with me, why not?? what are the odds anyways? you tell me.

boleh tak sekali dalam seumur hidup aku sekurang-kurangnya sekali aku rasa aku sebenarnya bersedia untuk melangkah masuk dalam dewan peperiksaan??

hmm.

i dont need muses. i just need one.

the ying to my yang.

the gravity to pull me back when im drifting.

the oxygen when i suffocate.

the tyler durden of my fight club.

like the zanpakutou of a shinigami.

the clearasil to my zit.

the dictionary to my deutsch.

The Muse. my muse.


thats all.

now i can remember.

what does it really mean if i had more than 4 dreams that took place at the same background? it was my childhood house till im around 9-10 years old.

remember the tiger kid that jumped up on me? yea now i remember. i was in the house. my childhood house.

and i had another dream in which i had to build a room into a sound and smellproof one. because my boss (former) wanted to conceal a murder. since the fact that his stupidity is apparent, therefore i wouldnt even want to waste my time (not that time really is essential in dreams) to question him why wouldnt he just bury the corpse and let it decay. my point is, the room is in my childhood house.

and there were a few more.

questions questions questions.

or am i just paranoid to analyze every single dream that i can remember?

speaking of dreams that i can remember, couple of days ago i dreamt of two siput babis mating. geli nak mati. but then again its prolly an effect watching the L word.

ngehngeh.

kate moennig is somewhat meg ryan meets milla jovovich. and somewhere between those two there's ellen degenerees.

simply stunning.

this is what they call girl crush?

no. nothing serious. just adoration. great actress, though.

work is dunzo. finally im off from The psychotic Pervs.

imagine how torturing it is to sit in the office with him staring at the computer for more than 6 hours every single day of the week including on saturdays. aku belajar pon tak macam gitu. but oh wait - bila aku belajar pon?

anyway.

i cant fucking stand his voice answering the phone. so full of .. shit. and hipocracy. if at the other end of the line is a woman, he would say things like, "oh you have a very beautiful voice" or "surely a very nice lady like you yourself can work things out".

oh okay, so you think, 'whats wrong with being charming?'
but honey, i tell you this. he is not charming. he's just being.. yish.. menggelikan. oh and if he's talking to a guy, then he would be telling about the girls working for him aka "oh right now im having these two hubsches malaysian girls, bla bla" or "i had this girl working for me this one time, bla bla.." or "oh yea, yea, i remember that girl. bla bla bla". perempuan perempuan perempuan.

but finally when his mom barged in the office (guess what - he lives with his parents. and he's, like, 40 something. L.O.S.E.R) lectured him for hiring different girls every single month. his mom was soooo pissed off that she actually warned this new russian girl that her son is very the miang. kakakakakakakaka i swear to god it was so fakken painful to keep my face straight. at the time. the (biatch) secretary told me that the russian girl is the 3rd girl of the month (february at the time).

oh. rupenye telenovela jugak orang german ni. the best part was when the mother came in to have yet another cat fight and he took the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed the carpet. i mean, wtf is going on??? ngahahaha and the song secreto de amor came into my mind and played non-stop the whole day. (sebab satu lagu tu je lagu telenovela yang lekat dalam otak masa tu)

anyway.

worse of all. i cant fucking stand his sense of humor.
he thinks a muslim woman taking off her cap (the cap he asked to wear) is funny. i know. i dont get it either. but apparently, when he asked me to take my cap off and i made a face, he then laughed and said it was just a joke. in front of the whole staff. fucker.

i still find it okay, if he offers us vodka or tea with alcohol. ha ha. but to repeat them like 10 times at different times - please la bitch. if i dont even curve my lips to smile then its just time to wrap it around your head - its. not. funny.

and telling people i'm his girlfriend. Puke!! Puke!!!!!! and he's shorter than me!!

and he always touches my shoulder when i'm off guard. and then said, 'im joking.' i had gossebumps everytime. fuck it man - its sexual harassment!!!!!

aku geli ahhh laki miang!!! get a hooker lah oi! aku bagi pelempang hang tuah baru tahu.

okay, so another point which made me think - oh ada lagi kah orang sebegini di negara maju ini??

all the computers in his office (ada 3 je pon) were all oldschool. i mean, no prob. but microsoft office pon tak ada original- apa cerita? doesnt he know that its actually illegal for a company to do such thing?

and then his diskette drive broke down. he wanted to test the drive with other diskettes and asked me if i own one. i was like, ' no i dun own diskettes. at all.' and he asked, 'what??! diskettes are not modern anymore??' and i was, 'ummm yap. pretty much. most laptops dont have built in diskette drives anymore.' and he asked, 'so what do people use these days?'

i gagged. i couldnt put on my poker face this time. it was just reflex and my jaw dropped.

'people use.. USB or CD i guess. even better if you have bluetooth' (which i highly doubt).

'so you have any idea to transfer these files to another computer asap?'

'yea, you could use my ipod for a while'

and he stared unbelievably because it has never occur to him that an mp3 player could save files. maybe he just doesnt get the whole idea of an mp3 player in the first place.

god i miss tektronix. this work experience hasnt contribute to me educationally at all. unless planting a 15 feet tree is educational.

this is a mental torture.

updates.

my first day of work is the worstseeeesst first day of work in the history of worst first days. i just had too much of what the fuck moments in one week time that it has come to one point which i think that this couldnt be real anymore.

the cool boss apparently isnt cool at all. the first day of work he just left 3 of us - who had no idea what the hell to do - on the streets with a dysfunctional gate.and we're suppose to repait it. what the fuck?

typical german wheather - raining all day long. we were standing in the cold for what seemed like forever. the boss said he needed to go to court to settle something official. i wanted soo much to pee but had to walk for 15003762 km to look for toilets. we didnt bring anything along aka money, therefore we couldnt budge from where we were. no food no drinks, just us, the stupid gate, the cold and the rain. for 6 fucking hours. what the fuck??

on our way back to the workshop, the boss was talking to his friend in the phone about us (malaysian girls la konon). then, he insisted us to go with to some party the next day. sure he mentioned it earlier but we all thought it was midday. apparently, its an evening party. and he promised his friend to introduce us to his friend. what the fuck?? he's pimping us out or what??

the fact that we couldnt wear hijabs- thus me wearing serkup and extra large cap with turtle necks and mufflers - yea, makes me feel like a fucking social retard. i mean- what the fuck is the problem there?? he said - i have no problems with hijabs but clients do. yea, right. so why cant i just wear them in the workshop? lame reason, honey. kalau boleh dia nak kami bukak semua. i wont do it if he oferred me 1 million euro.

the next day, we worked with the same retarded gate. he was there all right - making sounds to every woman who passed by. please la bitch, have some self respect. macam la kitorang semua tak tahu kau ni desperate , wanted to get laid, since you're bachelor terlajak. good thing we girls werent the only one who felt that. lelaki german lain pon. muahaha. we declined the party invitation, since mamat-mamat german lain pon nasihat jangan pergi. i mean- what the fuck?? if the party is suppose to be a company thing - why invite only the female population??

the thing got me so pissed sampai rasa mahu belasah orang;
i am fine with the fact that there's only one female toilet. alah bengkel je pon. but im not fine with the fact that we couldnt use it, eventhough the changing room is next to it. instead we have to walk all the way to male toilet to settle any natural calls. what the fuck?? what's the problem? the only person who can use the toilet is his secretary. okay so we thought - oh maybe she's using her own toilet paper, so we brought our own. i dont do natural calls in public toilets so i dont care much about the toilet paper. tapi aku kenalah ambil wudhuk. takkan nak ambil wudhuk kat toilet lelaki. so yesterday right after work we went in to change and guess what??? the fucking biatch secretary padlock the toilet. what the fuck?? busuk gila hati. dah la aku tak pernah nampak minah demanding ni, tapi aku rasa ringan ja tangan macam nak kasik satu tumbukan. gila. maybe she has some problem with foreigners. or maybe she's the one who pays all the water bills. or maybe she got some herpes and doesnt want to share it with other female population in the company. beats me. tapi kenapa aku rasa dia tak semulia itu?? ugh. witch! i soo wish she does have herpes and it fucking burnssss everytime she pees. muahahaha. i know i know i have ill thinkings.

so this morning, i refuse to go to work. elly refused to wake up. and minim is the only one who i think felt responsible about the whole working thing, so she got up and left. good for you, girl. i dont care.its not like he's paying any of his azubi and praktikanten doing all the work for his company. dah belambak-belambak apprentice timbul di kampeni dia, its not any different if i go to work or not. the hell with him. it brings a bit of comfort to know that at least we're not the only one whos complaining. the whole bunch hari-hari mengutuk dia. hahah. i lyke!

but ugh. what the fuck?? it doesnt change the fact that i went to work for just 3 days no more. and im still counting for these days to end.

i have always thought mckenzie as the younger version of crowe. no??

crap.

i am fakken embarrassed to go to class. thus the anti-socialness.

papers dont seemed to be tough but somehow i managed not to answer them. prolly because of the last minute cramming. and panic attack. and break down. blergh. wtf. i'll repeat with open heart.

and ugh. monday i'll be working. malasnya aku mahu berschweißen..

----------

i dig heavy films. or at least the non-conclusive.

which got me the thinking, aku ni sadist ke?? mungkin. atau aku ni dramatic. sebab aku suka ending orang mati. sebab itu baru namanya ending. dan aku suka buat kesimpulan muahahah.

----------

apart from johnny depp, now i think edward norton is one hella talented individual.

thats it. i cant do tae-bo no more.

backpain issues!!

i'll stick to pilates.

aku sedih gila.

1) ermm The News. pecah hati, okay?

2) semenjak dua tiga tahun ni, aku tak boleh tido kalau esok aku ada paper exam. macam-macam. contohnya, aku bergolek-golek selama 1-2 jam sebelum lelap mata. atau aku akan bangun hampir setiap jam. ataupun yang paling seksa - mimpi ngeri.

3) semalam aku mimpi ngeri sekali lagi.

mimpi bermula dengan seronok sekali. aku dan beberapa rakan (x hingat muka tapi berkemungkinan tinggi glace kerana aku rasa aku ingat muka amyan kahkah) pergi bercuti ke suatu tempat yang rupanya seakan-akan sepanyol/greek - kerana manusia bulih melepak di atas bukit sambil melihat laut. ah susah benar nak memperumpamakan pemandangan tersebut. apa yang aku ingat, selepas itu aku dah bersiap sedia hendak terjun masuk kolam renang, tapi 3 saat sebelum aku mengangkat kakiku untuk menjunam, tiba-tiba ada makhluk menyuakan satu kertas soalan. aku harus mengira bagaimana untuk melakukan penjunaman yang paling berkesan. dan terdapat coretan seperti cos ß sin ß entah hapa momentum pusingan dan lain-lain. benci betul. hati pedih. dan aku tidak bulih berenang kerana aku tidak tahu menjawab soalan tersebut malahan itulah pertama kali aku melihat soalan begitu ropa. jahaaaaat jahaaaat!! dan mimpi ku diakhiri dengan menyaksikan beberapa mat salleh sedang 'snorting some coke'. (tak tau dalam bm apa)

4) need i say more?? paper mechanik hari ni. tak boley jawab..

this is it.

after years of waiting. after pushes of attempts.

its official. i am jack's broken heart.

that's it.

this is the end.

i have got to say this.

i had enough looking at poseurss. emm malaysian poseurss. i mean, come on. you dont have to display you holding dark-glassed bottles in a middle of a rave just to show the whole word you can party like hard-cores. and snap with some drunk caucasian just to tell people you're somewhat outgoing. kissing the opposite sex to advertise that you're umm.. promiscuous? wearing skanky outfits holding a little olive in you salt-rimmed martini just to shout out you belong to somewhat THE upper class of the society. and prolly the children of important people in malaysia. and worse of all, you claim yourself to be a muslim. please. (me- rollin eyes)

shessh. okay. apa masalah aku? hahah i just have so much hate that i want to vent it out here. thank you very much. im just stating that i detest all the grandstand plays. comprendez??

because im worried. malaysia is very unstable right now. with politics. and weather. banjir belum settle, elnino is coming. and will prolly stay for a while. what will most of the "prominent" people do? bawak isteri, anak-anak dan saudara mara lari ke luar negara. while these people busy sipping their chardonnays, and their children busy climbing up the social ladder, the "common people" in malaysia are the one whos going through the agony of the instability that the "upper class" triggered.

stating my piece of mind. peace out, y'all.

When i said i love watching House MD, everybody went like, 'God, can you be lamer??'

Apperently, its now the biggest hit on television. Beating Greys Anatomy and Prison Break.

TAKE THAT, YOU LAME-Ossss!!!






p/s : and its educational too.

-oh blogger dah upgrade. bagus.

-buat tae bo 30 mins rasa nak pengsan. gila sakit.

-i dont get it. seriesli. people always come up to me and assumed that im actually athletic. since i was younger, people tend to think i can do sports. merepek!!! gimme any kind of balls, i cant score. o wait. wait wait. scratch that. hahahhahahahaha not all balls. i think. yish.

anyhoo, what im trying to say is, there has got to be a reason behind that aitt? nak kata aku ada broad shoulder, tak jugak. nak kata aku berotot ketul-ketul, people cant tell, can they? with my black clothes and all. oh mungkin they think all the flabbiness are muscles? ermm maybe not. nak kata aku kurus - hahaha. yea, sure. harsh features, maybe? and the way i present myself? and the way i talk? aww come on, i thought jocks are jerks? im a jerk? whattt?? no wayyyy. cewah tanak ngaku.

but seriously. last month i went to a job interview and my boss (future anyways) said im athletic. and all three of us (elly and minim) broke a big laugh. lized?? sports?? kohkoh. im flattered by the way. and he offered to stay longer at the mall - so that i can 'nette männer schauen' (mengusha lelaki hensem). hahahahahahah. cool la boss aku. macam paham-paham. the thing i dont understand is - why among three he offered me? aku pakai tudung dan hitam whereas one didnt wear any and the other was wearing a flourescent yellow hijab. ermm shoudnt i be the one who fits the 'self-blaster' criteria?? among three i dont think i look like the flamboyant one.

so it got me the thinking, should i be flattered or feel insulted? because i pushed away all the stereotypes about muslims being reserved - and we can be cool too. but at the same time i dont potray and present as a good muslim. i honestly dont know.

but i guess its just me. all me.