oh pak abu. jangan datang malam ni.

woke up with the worst feeling ever.

the thing about me is that if dont get a straight soundless sleep (no, not talking about sounds because even if a crane is working outside my window i wouldnt give a damn. soundless meaning the kind of sleep that when u wake up you feel like a clean slate, blank almost. macam nak senyum je bangun-bangun. ok agak saiko jugak description but you get what i mean.) so anyways. i'd feel like i've been swimming with crap the whole night if;

-i cant sleep (bergolek bagai pon tak boleh tutup mata)
-i can sleep but i'd wake up at least 3 times if not every god damn hour.
-i can sleep but mimpi ooooohhh ngeri* nyela berbagai. atau mimpi bodoh yang bila bangun rasa nak menyimba (as in simba. menyinga. mengamuk.)

*mimpi ngeri adalah termasuk mimpi yang ada kaitan dengan exams. this is the worse kind. seemed to be coming true often if compared to other kind.

so to have 2 criteria get all mixed up in one night is a whole lot more than just feeling like swimming in a pool of crap.

get this. mimpi. kinda was in a brawl with my sis. prolly has something to do with the wardrobe (hahahah gilaaa vain la pulak aku ni.) then i talked to my dad. turned out i blew up even worse with him. then ntah apesal ade pulak function kat rumah aku punyalah ramai sedara-mara beserta strangers coming in. then aku mengamuk dengan brother videotaper/photographer. gaduh-gaduh. then my dad intervened. lagi aku meletop. tried to calm meself down lepaking with some cousins. that was an excruciatingly annoying experience. family drama. trashtastic. so then i finally decided to take up car keys and go for a drive. there was suddenly a helluva big truck passed by just as i closed the door and BAM! there was shitload of snow on my car i cant move. i couldnt get out of the car. huh.

macam haram tak? bangun dengan penuh kebencian. manaaaa ada snow kat pj woiii. aku dah penuh emo dah masuk kereta (because driving is therapeutic to me despite aku drive macam perempuan gila) kenaapaa harus snow? siap bergaduh dengan bapak. hahaha anak bertuah kalau alam nyata perangai macam tu. tak cukup dengan mimpi, sambung balik tido bangun tiap jam kot.

adela jugak bloodshot dalam mata (in addition sebab main game sampai lewat malam).

speaking of, apsal pulak la macam satu dunia melayan mafia wars ni? bukankah ia seperti druglord yang telah fofuler sejak bangku sekolah dahulu?

ape sajala labuuu asal kau bahagia.

gegh. the whole deal pimping my desktop to mac is resulting to dodol hangus.

huh. sungguh la aku ni x IT savvy. dengan firefox berlaku cilaka. dengan aeroshock tak dengar kata. dengan itunes berlaku selenge.

yish. bloodshot in my flipping eyes!

zomg. ZOMG. ZOMG!!!!

i am waaaay screwed than i think i am. i am now literally on the verge of barfing.

gegh. if only i could shake things off by just erm... shaking? sh sh shakin.



ok merepek. ohhhh fukken fuckety fuck.

glace

aha. thanks to milo ah aplod gamba selebet. sebab best tgk gamba then aku dengan semangat go thru gamba masa balik summer ok. pastuuu caaaaaaaaaaam tibak...

oh. sangat rindu glace okaaaay.

sekian.




p/s to milo : aku menunggu gamba kontroversi. jangan lupa.

aaaaaaahh!! aku kegelian amat sangat!

kenapa? sebab baru habis baca satu entry dalam blog azwan ali.

apsal die suke gune bahasa nyah aku tak paham.

sebab aku kegelian tahap maksima, aku mau share sama-sama.

BLOG AZWAN ALI

P/S : is he even relevant in the entertaintment industry?? seems like a Z-lister to me. tapi takkan nak kasik apek sorang je kot tayang muka kan? oh majulah sedikit malaysia.

randomness:

-pushing daisies is üüüüübercute, aint it? lee pace on the other hand is god damn dreamy. so my type.

-aku layan ally mcbeal, hercules and xena the warrior princess all at the same time. sangap tak sangaaap takkk??

-exams never cease to make me feel like barfing.

-on a lighter note, since ramai sungguh tak puas hati dengan kuda hitam (which btw aku sungguh melayan *sings kalaulah ada pacar hitam, hari panas senyum pun senaaaaang), i changed the tunes to hit the road jack. makes you wanna move, doesnt it?

holy shit.

2 malam. nightmare.

ingatkan tua-tua ni kalau mimpi hantu dah tak takut.

2 nights ago. mimpi antu. bangun dalam ketakutan. trust me baca ayat kursi 3 kali pon masih ketakutan. siap bukak lampu. mmmmmmmm takut pak abu tibak muncul (kekasihku seru reference). pak abu skeri.

the cold. doesnt help either.

perlukah tua bangka begini masih dalam ketakutan???

cycling in snow worth a week is. such. a. bitch.

sure it has been insanely exciting. cause this is the first time its really snowing in years that i've been here.

dan aku selalu commute naik bas saja. so the snow thingy never bugs me.

tapi setelah aku mencabar diri untuk naik beskal untuk 3-min trip ke schlecker, oh betapa ridiculousnya. 3-min bertukar menjadi 10 min (ok exaggerate sikit disini). but seriously. setiap cycle itu memerlukan konsentrasi yang sangat tinggi. main pingpong pon lagi senang (harus diambil kira aku buduh pingpong).

kepada sesiapa yang adrenalin junkie silala naik beskal atas snow tebal. rasailah betapa ridiculousnya tindakan anda.

i was really over the whole new year's resolution deal. really, i mean since im the type yang suka berhangat-hangat tahi ayam why should make a resolution just for the fact that it seems appropriate that everyone has to have at least one. but now, reflecting on my experience, my wants and desire, well, basically my whole damn existence, i have come upon a revelation. it shouldn' just be a new year's resolution. it should be my whole gravity. so i'd say ;

CARPE DIEM.

there you go. this could never go wrong. life shouldn't be based on my past. sure some things are just hard to let go. of the memories. of the regrets. and sure future doesn't really justify anything. specially the insecurities. but i should just focus on the present. make things happen. and therefore, carpe diem.

the whole deal with ovulating is - it annoys me. insanely.

its not just about stupid mood swings. which btw trigger some other stupid stuff. its the whole physical change. the whole breasts swelling, increase of appetite yang tak membantu sama sekali uterus buncitness. basically im not comfortable in my own skin. when i ovulate. even worse when im having period. which im not going into. tapi taknak la menopause. ooh and finally, my superbad skin breaks out as if tomorrow is the end of the world. they just have to get out. and see the world. konon-konon.

the point is, when both combined especially in the mid of exams week i finally understood why people became wristcutters. or pill popper.

i used to be this idealistic person. bila tengok movie ke cerita kat tv, kalau orang suicide aku mesti macam, 'hak enaaa. kot ye pon tak ade agama tapayah la dramatic sangat sampai nak terjun bangunan.'

now being the realistic person that i am, hopelessness really brings out the um... hopelessness? the why-cant-i-get-out-of-this-shit kinda feeling.

so there. another bitching bout ovaries and uterus. peace out.

this never gets old.

been wanting to vent for days but somehow i managed to do some other unworthy things which by now i cant even seem to remember.

aaanyhoo. ugh. weather. sucky. too cold. too windy. too wet. and i travel by bike. aku sudahlah begitu gigih memakai baju sejuk yang berbagai tapi somehow.. hmph. in vain. sejuk mencucuk kulit serupa macam bogel je. and there was this one time i had to desperately take a dump while cycling. the sejukness obviously doesnt help. bak kata this random person i met, 'taik dah nak berekor dah....'. and then once i got home, i went straight into the toilet and took a helluva crap. here's the thing about my toilet. its mutually exclusive from my shower therefore the water that i usually use came from the sink which by the way sape hentah invent sebab tade temperature control so its pretty damn cold. like cunt freeezing after berinstinjak kinda cold.

aanways back to my story of desperation of having to take a crap. went into that toilet. and ooooooo my. never have i experience feeling the warmth of that once-cunt-freezing water. boy if anyone would ask me what is the meaning pure bliss then i would say exactly say that. taking a crap in an insanely perfect comfort. how ironic is it to actually appreciate cold in cold? ok. kalau tak faham tak pe. my point is kesejukan diluar adalah sangat puaka sampai air sejuk toilet pon macam air panas. sudah.

the whole deal with exams is kinda tugging my emotions. macam pms sepanjang-panjang yang mungkin. demn la kenapa aku belaja kat sini. hmph.

this is a random shout out. arrested development : mayyjah! i remember i used to enjoy watching it on the tv but in all seriousness its like a masterpiece. hands down to the creator and writer. best thing. EVER. tidak seperti bende bodoh yang überhyped. macam heroes. and prison break. and one tree hill. even greys anatomy macam dah bodoh-bodoh. so i resort to good things. macam entourage. aquaaaahhh mannnn! ari gold btw has the best script. i wish i could talk like him. how the hell a normal could come up with something like that? his head must be like super fast.

ok. too much randomness. and words that shouldnt be used in front of your parents.


p/s : siapa ingat secreto de amor?? ahahah this song reminds me of a shirtless fabio-looking guy named carlos raul riding a horse. cracks me up everytime! gallop gallop *konon-konon penuh seksi*

updates. setelah berbulan entry entourage berkulat.

• emm exams : as usual ntah apa-apa. test bawak masuk toyol aku lepas la pulak.
  

• summer : malaysia. wuh. awesome times. finally got to feel the nite life i dun have around here(germany). no im not a clubbing perk(pls, lame ok). haha lama x lepak hartamas. celaka tikus besa macam mak kucing. mak kucing pon lari ketakutan. lepak smpai subuh br tau hartamas tade mesjid/surau. huh pegi segambut dalam ok. its like a whole mini jakarta down there.
  

• tioman : sori peeps lupa mau passing gamba. gamba underwater all over the place harhar. badan belang macam nini cokolat celup (celup celup!) <------ ok lawak rempit jap.

• blew my money on food, man. worth every penny.

• found out my archery skill wasnt too shabby.
  

• hah. fish spa. ridiculously ridiculous. spent 15 mins naik turun kaki masuk kolam. ikan x sempat mau gigit2.
  

• uuuuu karoke nite. awesomeness. oh how we sang soo shamelessly.

• the rest of the summer i spent on ermm gossiping(mcm x biasa), smirking on melayu peluk-peluk tengah alam mahupun dalam cinema, serta melepak depade time bukak posa sampai sahur. sekian.

didnt get to wakeboard(sebab rate untuk wakeboarding kt mines mahal haram), didnt get to wallclimb(sebab tak jumpa tempat kt OU), didnt get to bukak posa dengan glace except ena piya taki(who btw dominated the whole conversation time).

there. cant seem to think anything remotely worth reading.

p/s : i got a grandpa named Abe whos senile. haha. o well, i thought its pretty funny. not nice. but at least funny.

-despite überhype dramas, i still think entourage is the best.

-i miss glace.

-weather rimas, lalat rimas, badan rimas, otak rimas.






hati rimas.

sleepless weekend

no shit. had sleepless wiken.

NO MORE HEROES rocks my pants!!! it's like star wars meets bleach meets kill bill meets grand theft auto. (walopon aku denga grand theft auto lagi best).

aku duduk depan tv 12 jam tanpa menggerakkan bontot. semata nak habiskan game ni.

puas hati ok final match. aku tengah on fire ni. sape ade wii sile main. gerenti puas hati.

NO MORE HEROES Wii Trailer

sape kate x best meh sini debate dengan aku.

shitade out of shit.

aku sangat laaa benci cikgu yang caring. sem ni penuh dengan cikgu2 yang caring. oleh itu tak boleh ponteng kelas. sebab muka fofuler sangat kalau tak datang cikgu sebok-sebok tanya sakit apa. so anyways yesterday shaz didnt go to school since he needed to get his ankle checked up. nak dibuat cerita semalam kena pergi kelas cikgu caring;

intro (telah diterjemah)

cikgu caring : hello peeps. blablabla (insert ayat intro standard cikgu) oh hey..you guys are always in a group of three. what happened to the other one? (sambil menunjuk kepada dua budak paling hitam dalam kelas buahahahaa)
lizakodi : (sebab rasa paling hitam responsible terus menjawab) errm he's sick. (dengan penuh harapan dia tak tanya banyak)
cikgu caring : uuu is it serious? is he okay? what is he having?
lizakodi : (cis. kenapa kau harus extravaganza caring?) erm he got sprained ankle. (believe me explaining sprained ankle in german is no easy job. stuck kat explanation ni agak la beberapa minit).
cikgu caring : how come? soccer?
lizakodi hanya mengangguk.
cikgu caring : aaaaanways i heard there are people who didnt have the password to access my scripts. apparently the password hasnt been distributed properly.
random guy in class : but we all have it.
cikgu caring : well i'm talking for those ladies in the back. (tunjuk kitorang lagi)
lizakodi : (shit.)
random guy : oh well okay. i'll read it out loud. blabla (the password)
cikgu caring wrote it on the board then made sure we (aku elly) got it.
guy next to random guy : here (handing me a piece of paper) can you read it?
lizakodi : yea sure. (apprently he wrote the password down. again. padahal besa2 kat depan dah ade. aku adalah sudah penuh malu diberi perhatian sebegitu rupa)

end of intro.

intermission

dikala kepanasan dalam kelas betriebliches rechnungwesen adalah aku melayang-layang serta bermain mata dengan cikgu caring itu. rasa macam duduk dalam kelas sejarah kat sekolah dulu-dulu. atau pon mod maths. (bermain mata meaning my eyelids are just defeated against gravitational force). dengan tak semena-mena ;

cikgu caring : how are the foreign students going? am i going to fast? or are there something to you wanna ask?
lizakodi : (blurr siaaaal. die tengah cakap ngan aku ke? fuck la aku tengah pening lalat) emmm nein. ist okay.
cikgu caring : alles verstanden?
lizakodi : (masih blur) em ja.
cikgu caring : bestimmt?
lizakodi : (baru pasan kalau die tanya aku soklan kang kantoi sial tak paham. shit. tuka jawapan jap) errrr jain. heheh (sengih-sengih buat muka bodo jap)
cikgu caring : Ist ja bestimmt schwer für Sie alles gut zu verstehen. Arbeiten Sie auch mit den Deutschen?
lizakodi : nicht so.
cikgu caring : Wollten Sie mit den arbeiten?
lizakodi : (pandang elly jap. apsal aku je jawab wei. bekap laa)
elly buat tak layan sial.
lizakodi : es geht.
cikgu caring : Es ist besser, wenn Sie auch mit den anderen arbeiten. Sonst wird es schwer. (pastu sound budak kelas lain) Sie müssen um ihren ausländischen Komolitonen kümmern blablabla..
lizakodi : (exterior : senyum tak rela. interior : fucckkk fuckety fuccckk.)
cikgu caring : So bitte. Machen Sie das. (masih tak abes sound classmate sebab tak caring kat kitorang)
lizakodi : (batu belaaaahh batu bertangkooppppp. telan la akuu.. aku maluu orang lain kena babysittt akuuu!!)

end of intermission.

so basically the next day (iaitu hari ini), punya lah ramai rakan taulan bertegor sapa offer nak tolong kitorang kalau ada masalah. siap wat ayat dalam english. babi aku malu sial. bukan malu sebab orang ingat aku bodoh (sebab memang bongok pon), tapi malu sebab dah la anti-social, pastu orang lain kena blame pasal aku yang anti-social.

but hey. if life gives you shit, then make a shitade out of it. (sebab lemons jadik lemonade gettit?)

when shit hits the fan

after sitting in front of the computer doing the so-called research from 5pm till 12am i have come to a revelation that im a good observer but a very bad solver.

i mean, seriously. its not like i was watching anything. i sit while trying to comprehend these hydraulics sheenanigans (which im suppose to take next sem anyways not now) and in the end not getting any materials whatsoever for tomorrows dicush session.

what i know is hitler was highly impressed with muslim military. and he prolly is a quarter of jew. and siapa yang forward email kat aku kata hitler adalah suami yang setia is bullcrap because he was never married. and watersports apparently means something else. and syphillis can attack your brain. and the wasabi i've been eating is not even real wasabi (demmit).

but nooooo. i cant come up with anything for tomorrow. because i just dont have the ability to put pieces together.

and i just realized not to underestimate my peningness. i happen to talk crap during the whole episode of being lost in clouds of information.

lame-o.

stupid flanders. stupid flanders. stupid flanders.

emmm the only reason i write this is because cik sonik is a little wee bored looking at gang rape all this while. so there you go sonik.

randomness : spongebob in awe sounds exactly like homer in mengidamness. mr. burns ruless!!

aaaaanyhoo, this is how my head goes these days. random.

apart from kacau jiwa assignments, this is all i have for you guys ;

1) never bowl after veeting your legs. the ball will either go in the longkang or in a much worse case ermmm goes backwards. you might not see the relation now but heck, why dont you try it yourself?

2) never veet without enough cream. regardless how bululess you think you are.

i've been gang raped. with everything. mentally and emotionally. (nope not physically)

soo easy if i could just shut down and shun myself.

hmmmmmm but being me all i can do is absorb everything and put on a smile.

lala life sucks at this point.

this is soooooooooooooooo fucked up i got goosebumps all over.

kinky incest