extremely misty today
bloody scary
had to go through the dead jungle all misty
couldnt feel my nose
eyes went teary
the moment i parked my bike
felt something fluidish running above my upper lips
ew. ew ew.
mucus
had a wave of panic right away
after entering the lecture hall
everyones holding a pruefungsrelevant handout
urgh
screw technische kommunikation
i see me still attending TK classes next sem
apparently blau machen has its price







now its code orange going code red
still hasnt change to studymode
mcdead.

seriously. i know this is lame-o but seriously. mcslutty the vampire slayer is getting soo intense right now i kinda think its good. its crackin me up, and it was kinda emotional. and the plot, the script i swear its waaay much better than prison break.






but then again, i am a sci-fi hardcore.

too bad i'm years behind.

-crap. cant a person get a decent sleep?? apart from me not eating now i have to go around like a freaking mczombie with some red blotch in my eyes. urgh.

-apsal cerita aku folo semua kena cut off?? macam freakylinks, jake 2.0, angel (ok this one stayed long, tapi ending macam sial jugak). yish im such a sucker to sci-fi.

-code yellow. need to get into studymode. asap.

-im having an anti-Narcissus time.

-i wanna play that thing you do. as a band.

-despite of my non-existent high metabolism rate, im currently not eating. weird.

-i googled ethan embry/randall and found that his official website was never active. its seriously sad.

-what the hell happened to the wonders? i cant find any of their wallpapers. they should be big okayy. isnt anyone as obsessed as i am??

teheheeee. one of my long lasting obsession. tom hanks did one hell of a good job.

today. some randomness.

everytime i hear ocean ridge, everything came back vividly to me. like i remembered the smell of the shower foam i used in perak, how the walls looked like, how all the winds polished their instruments the night before the competition, how bored we were doing sectional practice the whole day not knowing what else to do in those empty hot classes. weird. those are the things you just dont purposely stick to your mind. but i guess it kinda stuck. this is the kinda thing music does to me. and smell too.

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i have the utmost respect for people who are really really really good at writing. they have this.. um.. i guess essence of them. you dont have to really pay attention to what they really are saying, you are just being led. by the words, the phrases, the whole expression and straight away get the whole picture. the best part is - you feel like you know them but not in the superficial kinda way. in fact, you dont know anything about them, because youve never actually meet the eye. its just.. exhilarating.

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i dont get whats the hype over muslims not eating pork. got this friend, always makes jokes around muslims friends who are just about to eat something. and he would go like, 'eh ada babi.' ya know, the past two years, i just let these kinda people get away with a laugh. nothing more and nothing less. but guess what? its getting old, okay?? its not funny anymore. and i threw that to his face.

it didnt stop there. they would just love to rub it into our face. like questioning us, 'why are you guys discriminating against babi anyways?' , 'what if youre not a muslim, you mustve eaten pork already by now. its like, your religion is controlling you.' and the part that pissed me off the most - 'muslims terrorists laa.'

omg. omfg. i know this is gonna sound like a friggin cliche, but seriously, go and educate yourself. we dont eat bacon because there are tapeworms - unkillable. they breed leaving their extremely small mobile larvae going through your blood veins up to your brain. after theyre dead up in your brain and your immune system starts to attack them haa baru kau rasa sawan babi padan muka. plus pigs' flesh absorbs toxin like sponge and therefore even nastier than our own piss. the fact that pigs dont exercise, dont sweat - thus limited output of toxin - eww. seriesly. you guys devour THAT?? i mean, after all that education, trust me you dont want to go ignorant.

its like questioning a vegie why does he go against meat. insulting a hindu not eating beef. a quarter of world population is muslim. why just muslim? jews dont eat pork. i didnt hear you making noise about them. oh i know - it has never occur to you that almost half of the world population doesnt eat pork, because YOU are very shallow. piece of advice, dude, open your eyes, then only open your big mouth.

oh and the terrorism. seriously. you lived all your life in malaysia - in a majority muslim society. come on, have i ever left a bomb in your mother's backyard because youre not a muslim? please. you let CNN feed your mind??

and the thing that got me laughing. he said melayu are racists. if he would go to the states, he'll have whatever rights he should as a human being, unlike malaysian govt. oh please - id love to see you go to the states and live your american dream. but trust me - people will still discriminate you, because youre a freaking asian. the only place you will feel at home is when you go back to your china town. or singapore.

i live with the fact that im muslim. and i know people will never stop passing judgments or even discriminate. with me wearing hijabs and stuff. anywhere i go, whatever i do, people will still judge you for being who you are. deal with the fact. like me. at least i know where i stand.

okay. im not racist. and im not trying to be defensive. but whos pushing the buttons??

apsal cruel to be kind tak keluar-keluar ni???

gila. bicho so. bicho.

connection macam gila. filelodge dah lama bengong. esnips x bulih tempek.

yish. kenapa? why? warum? pourqoui? pourque? doshite? buei? bueiiii???

bicho so. bicho. aish cinca!

"community blogger dilanda season of loneliness" - piyazery. <-- have to agree with that.

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i like ocean ridge. brings back those memories. walaupon saxophone tak contribute sangat pon dalam lagu ni.

but i guess its really weird. i kinda gave my all to produce good sound, ya know contributing to the whole song thing - emm masa sekola dolu. but the truth is, i dont think im the kind of person who would give EVERYTHING for something. macam hangat-hangat tahi ayam la. atau jack of all trades master of none. nak try semua tapi tanak masterkan diri lepas try.

what im trying to say is, how come i can do only one good thing in my life? come to think of what i have achieved along these past years, macam tak ada apa-apa. not that im saying im not grateful of where the flow has got me to, but seriously all these while it has all been about luck. my dumb luck.

i mean, yea i can play music, but its not like i can play a lot of impressive pieces. emm make it any. i can write but its not like things i wrote are all Pulitzer material. i used to know how to debate, but i cant really put it into a daily basis conversation. at least not anymore - because i dont talk about politics, environment, moral degradation shits anymore. i can skate, i can swim, i can do sports. tapi semua tahap cukup makan ja. studies? wahahahahahahahahaa. dont even start. thats THE thing that i know im not good at. at least aku tahu ukur baju di badan sendiri.


but the thing is, i still look forward because i know theres sooooo much more to life. i want to go scuba dive, and skydive, and surf, and bungee jump, and take a latin dance class (im dead serious about this), and.. um.. and jumpa wentworth miller, and convert dia masuk islam setelah dia dibesarkan dengan agama yahudi, and kahwin, and even though perez claims that hes a closeted gay - and i dont believe him, although all of his info seemed accurate, but i could still go and save a lot of money because baez says i could buy his gene from the gene bank - that is IF he puts it there - and then produce anak-anak biracial yang sangat teramat paling cun sekali. there. see? i have a lot of things in life to look forward to. and if my parents disapprove me from being with him, then i guess akan berlakulah telenovela cinta terhalang keshet kedondong bersama lelaki separuh germannya.

okay. hentikan drama ini.

and travel all over the world. and go into photography. and take a vocal class. and kick boxing class. and go to every worth broadway. and go skiing on a VERY EXTREMELY snowy and steep mountain. and .. um .. wow. macam-macam. SEMUA!!!!

this is what i call jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none syndrome.

its MY long-lasting pathology. it has been there all my life, and it wont budge. never.

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orang cakap aku ni ada potential jadi saiko.

sebab aku cakap aku suka kalau aku ada external physical pain.

macam luka. lepas tu aku buleh main-main dengan luka. tehehehehehee.

bes la, gila. should try it sometimes.

--------------------

johnny depp is a very interesting human being.

i wish to meet somebody like that at least once in my whole life time.

me so fakken pissed so sooo fakken pissed like fuckety fuckety fuck like soooooo verdammt fucking fakken pissed yissssshhhhhhhh fak it!


demn straight i am.

i was away on weekends. come to think of it, i was almost always away on weekends.

aaaanyways, matlamat nummer drei macam delay sebab aku makan macam tong. see, doesnt take me that long to eliminate the warmth of the chicken poo. (emm direct translation - menghapuskan kehangatan tahi ayam).

temptations yo. mee rebus, nasi beriyani, rojak buah, kek pisang, agar-agar laici. (5 round kot) yissshhhh! aku makan sampai perut nak meletop.

tapi tak pa. wiken ni kita bulih main futsal. yeay!

i woke up EXTREMELY early this morning. because - finally - aku bersemangat waja nak pergi kelas. plus the futon makes me sweat in my sleep. i know, big EW. no idea why. i turn off the heater, opened the window and its below 16 degrees for goodness's sake! why the hell am i sweating? that stupid futon lah, thats why! thus leading me to daily nose bleeding in the morns. no exceptions - this morning as well. lepas tu sebab aku makan macam tong on the wikens - sakit perut jugak. i dont know why i have major headache - tapi kenapa semua nak datang pagi ni??? aku BERSEMANGAT WAJA!! nak pergi kelas!!! when does that ever happened? never! this is a once in a lifetime thing okay.

and when i was making my way to the shower - tibak bunyi bell - carpet sampai. yish. buang masa aku la. betul betul buang masa aku. mana ada masa nak mandi? thus, no mandi no going out la. then i decided - im not going to class today.

there goes matlamat nummer eins.






hahahHAHAHAH.

YE AKU SEBENARNYA PEMALAS. ALASAN JE LEBIH!

aku sudah ada cita-cita.

selain ingin menjadi graduated engineer di germany

aku juga ingin menjadi seorang ahli muzik

serta seorang yang sihat walafiat.



untuk mencapai matlamat pertama,
aku harus bertungkus lumus bergelumang dengan bahasa german.
bukan itu sahaja malah bertungkus lumus pada malam sebelum exam.

untuk mencapai matlamat kedua,
aku harus bekerja keras meluangkan masa dengan anak-anakku.
termasuk keyboard yang baru sahaja sampai dimuka pintuku pagi tadi.
walaupun matlamat ini agak lambat pada pendapatku untuk dicapai
kerana tiada tenaga pengajar mahupon asas yang kuat, aku akan coba.

untuk mencapai matlamat ketiga,
aku haruslah konstan membuat strecthing aka yoga
serta situp 100x setiap hari
serta push up (rancangan ini didelay kerana aku ingin menghilangkan dahulu muscle-bertukar-lemakflabby di lengan)
thus sekarang low carb program <------ hahahHAHAHAHhahahaha my ass!
serta bermain sukan
tapi agak susah ingin melaksanakan sukan kerana ketidakcukupan korum jantina perempuan
mungkin rancangan futsal akan dilaksanakan selepas exam nanti







kesimpulan
matlamat-matlamat yang tertera diatas tidak dapat diinsuranskan kerana berdasarkan sejarah penulis, beliau merupakan seorang yang hangat-hangat tahi ayam.

heheh sebab semua orang bizi tak menulis aku pon buat-buat bizi mogok takmo tulis.

anyways prison break season 1 sangat predictable. maybe because possibilities are just too limited. season 2 getting warmer. the whole big idea was good though. walaupon script sangat lah biasa. apa apa la. wentworths worth it.

apsal - aku nak questionkan jugak - apsal kalau orang tu mata cantik dia mesti ada either german jew atau italian hereditary?

macam wentworth miller ( i bet sebenanya mueller but being americanized), or jake gyllenhaal, or adam brody, or beckam or orlando bloom. emm sapa lagi a lelaki hensem yahudi? oh yea seth green and micheal rosenbaum (<-- typical german name). ok then italian, macam leonardo dicaprio, david boreanaz and ellen pompeo and even alicia keys.

my point is, dolu kenapa aku selalu rasa yang americans ni macam cantik sikit daripada english? ini adalah kerana americans ramai yang dah campur darah. sebenarnya yang selalu claim mereka ni thoroughbread pon tak thoroughbread. apa apa la.

aku sebenarnya nak declare bahawasanya aku jatuh cinta dengan wentworth semenjak aku melabuhkan pandangan aku ke dalam matanya dalam buffy vampire slayer. walaupon masa itu dia hanyalah seekor raksasa ikan. namun matanya sangat cantik. dan aku suka pada fakta di mana dia berdarah campuran yang terlalu banyak - african-american, jamaican, german, red indian, dutch, french, russian, syrian and lebanese. hes from all over the world. kalau campur sikit dengan darah aku, ya know to complete the asian part - melayu, hidustan siket - mesti anak-anak cun gila.




kahkahKAHKAHkahkahKAHKAHKAH



aku mahu dia.

3 babies and a sanctuary

prison break is too slow for my likings. at least the first three eps. this is the 99237618165389975th time i paused.

too much variables, too little action. but because everyfreakingbody makes a big fuss about it, im just gonna watch. perhaps its too soon to pass a judgment.

tapi siap la kalo buhsan nak mati gila babi macam a walk to remember. as far as i remembered semua orang cakap cerita tu bes, but i didnt make it to the end. buhsan gila. typical korean film pon lagi bagus. apa yang sweetnya? tengok lembu terbalik lagi ada adrenalin rush.

oh yea, oc season 4 sucks. because it always has been about coop, atwood, cohen and summer. now coops gone. and did they changed music director? cause the shows suckier with them music.

ok now im mcmcd.

because of greys.

because meredith called sheperd mcdreamy.

and christina called mark mcsteamy.

and george said, 'mcdreamy was doing mcnasty with mchottie. demn mcbastard!'

and izzy said, 'mcdreamy's sister is mcbitch.'

ishhh and now tengok!!!! im watching mcslutty the vampire slayer thinking mcboreanaz is soooo mcsensual and mcsteamy and mcdreamy and mchottie alltogether!!

the syllable mc just seems to be mcsticky and cant get mcfreaking off.



padahal esok aku ada praktikum werkstoff. mcmati!





APAAAA LAAAAA!!

this has been haunting me for a couple of days.

so last weekends i went up to wolfsburg and on the way back down to bocholt we gotta stop at duisburg to change trains. so the thing was, i was extremely starving and bought me some dunkins. while i was devouring those lush double chocs then came this guy, in the waiting pit, looking rather urgent saying something to two makciks in front of us. it was kinda weird cause these makciks didnt seem to respond at all even though this guy was doing all his body language to get through. and i thought, oh ok, i guess this guy must've said something thats not worth to be heard.

then, he turned to us. and said something about him going back home to munchengladbach and the rest i couldnt catch up cause he spoke really fast. like, really fast. but he did mention some numbers so i guess hes asking for money. no wonder those makciks didnt respond. it took me a moment to even give an expression. was looking at elly. mintak-mintak dia back up sebab sumpah aku blank. elly pegi telan donut, and then shook her head. and he left. speedily. so i thought, hey, he didnt look like a pauper to me. so what did he want? i asked elly, she said he's asking for money. yea, so i heard right. i asked, how much? she said she heard 1.99 euro. i swear i heard 19, thats why i went blank. cause dude, i cant help you that much. i dont travel with cash. but 1.99?? come on.. sian dia. 3 minutes after he left baru kami rasa kesian. but it did take me a moment to actually get a grip of what he was saying. so dont blame me. blame my brain for the slow digest.

nak beli tiket tak cukup lagi 2 euro. alaaahh mesti dia kelam kabut sebab takut terlepas train. dah la hari ahad.. train sikit. then kena cari lagi 2 euro, nak beli tiket lagi, lari lari bawak beg lagi, pegi landasan lagi. can imagine me being in his shoes. mesti sedih gila tak ada sapa nak tolong. dalam hati dia, 'demn foreigners, aku mintak 2 euro pon kedekut. siap kalo aku pegi negara dunia ketiga kau, aku tanak bagi sedekah dah.'

haihh, then we walked out from the waiting pit, i was kinda hoping id stumble into him. to redeem my guilt. to give him that 2 euro that meant the world to him. i didnt. it kinda bummed me out. it still does. man, i wish i offered him at least the donuts.

ya know, carbs + sugar = endorphin??

at least.

i'm back, bitches.

i am just curious as hell, why should there be a person around you who will just rub things in your face just to get on your nerves and you are just stuck with this person for the rest of your life? well, yea ok. not the rest of your life, but it felt like it.

ish i'm in refusal of talking. because everytime i opened my mouth, there's always a reply - though unwanted - that felt like a snap. ooooh snappy snappy i cant take. cause i'll sure as hell turn one as well. but hey, in the name of kesabaran, and air muka, i bear. omg, how i stopped myself from snapping back. i am this close (setengah cm) from saying 'you bitch'. that means, i really cant take the rubbing. i loved it, though, cause im kinda sensing that the sarcasm is making a return.

what is it with people who cant take the opinions of others? what the hell is wrong anyways even if statements made by others arent that much of realistic? skeptical i can take, but being a bitch and all high, i feel like puking all over. what makes you think youre the only one with the best opinion? doesnt mean people shut up because they dont have better ideas. perhaps people just are too tired of listening to you and your croaking voice and your endless so-called the-most-rational-thinkings and looking at your irritating expressions with your raised eyebrows every time you think you've said something smart. hasnt it ever occur to you that people arent stupid and low and lack that much of judgment? plus, does it actually hurt to be nice? people ask for help, if you wanna decline, decline with decency. not with attitude.

initially, i really thought its just me. ok so maybe i am annoying, you know. perhaps, i am that low. and lack that much of judgment. but when almost every one is being condemned, then im like, 'whoa, what a stuck up hick'. and why o why do i even let it get me, let it go under my skin? yea, im prone to accidents, but that doesnt mean im a moron. and i dont really think i lack THAT much of judgment. and most of all, im not that low. unlike this cow.

i believe in karma, you know. yea, well, not exactly karma, i still have islamic values, but the whole 'what goes around comes around' concept. yea, well today you are up there, and someday you are going down!! and i really hope you'll feel if not as miserable as me, even worse! muahuahua.

there you go. cow.

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p/s : cekout ditty bops down there.