i see butterflies with pistols

i used to think that self-improvement is self-masturbation. brings nothing but arrogance. but i guess i kinda figured it was actually a lame excuse for my own shortcomings.

because i have no sense of competition at all. for i dont care if people around me are progressing, becoming a better person as a whole. that has no effect on me whatsoever. unless if i wanted something for myself, then i'll start scraping my way out.

but the thing is, im already in the state of cryptobiosis. and im complacent with where i am. until recently.

so i guess life has shown me the reflection of complacency that i have brought upon myself. not thrilling, in general. and in a way, reflects arrogance as well.

and then i learn, from the people that i have so much respect for, over and over again, that they have never in their life being under the spell of self-approbation. some might even call it greed. well whatever they need to say to themselves to help them to sleep at night.

now i'm game.