the stout fingers trying soo hard to look good in silhouette.

back in germany

muka selepas berboxing

i'll update later.

ehem.

testing..testing... dari manchester.

wuh. here we go. esok boxing day!!

holiday's spirit's everywhere!!

and aww look... i got patrick on my window sill.



hell yeahh, i am ghetto fabulous!!

i got to sayyy..

heroes's okay but the post-episode comic strips are tight bebeh! everything's making sense now.

like how eden got persuasive, and the extra bodies in the deserts.

fishing kul.





p/s : ingatkan collin pharrell. or david galagher. rupanya santiago cabrera. wuh. kehenseman. high not high.

im onto heroes now.

and i've been following the 4400 for 3 full seasons now, and still liking it. so i guess it kinda blows, because heroes is somewhat something similar.

but, hey, at least heroes has this pretty good leads lined up, so thats prolly why its a hit on american tv.

and because heroes is comic-based, i kinda thought its a combination of sin city and the 4400.





ugh sure whatevvvss. luck is, its sci-fi, its in my radius zone and im all wrapped up.

mindblowingly breathtaking

i know i've done this.

but i got so caught up in the moment and i just....

ughh.. i just have to shoooottttttt this.

forget about the previous shiteous quality snap and say helloooo to





well, it blew me away. at least.

angin maut sangat la!!!

tak bergerak basikal!!

kencang betul aku kena kayuh!

kalau hari-hari macam ni, besar kayu balak la kaki aku.













haihhh penaat..

ugghh its been 3 weeks now and i cant go to sleep without some tossin and turnin going on for about at least an hour.

ive thought of some alternatives but..

drinking warm milk it will just make my stomach go krukk krukk churn.
do 200 situps but i don want to go to sleep like a sweat machine
eat. like, a lot. big no no. its god damn winter!

so i am left with :

(a) knocking myself out with some drugs. like sleeping pills or couple of panadols. it'll be addictive but hey at least i can get some decent sleep.

or

(b) i stay self-righteous and keep tossin and turnin for hours. and get up all cranky because i know i didnt sleep well with all the weird dreams i get every night. if it isnt a dream, then its a constant waking up like, almost every 2 hours. and its even crappier because when i finally thought actually got a decent sleep, i ended up overslept and wasted half the day. perfect beginning!



and since all these are making me depressed, yea, i'll go with something stronger, like Trazodone.

ugh not being able to sleep sucks.


---------------------

of all the dreams i had, this one that stood out.

it was yellowish, like it was late evening or something. standard theme for most of my dreams so it wasnt anything special. so i was at some friend's, and the house was hella familiar. almost too familiar, like ive known the entire space all my life but i just cant place it.

surrounding me were all familiar faces, but now i cant remember any. i took up a cup of tea and saw - a cub. a tiger cub in a baby's crib right in front of me. and 2 seconds after i laid my eyes on him, he crashed the crib's bar and jumped out on me.

it was bewildering but somehow.. pleasant. i dont know what happened, and everything was rather vague but i guess after some time there was this boy, aged 7-8 years old, sitting beside me. i was being me, eating away like there will never be tomorrow, and this boy... tilted his head and rested it on my right shoulder.

and this feeling hit me again. like the feeling when the tiger cub jumped out on me. i guess they were the same person/thing. i dont know. at that point i just trusted what i felt. and we bonded. he was so damn fine. all polite to my friends. siap salam cium tangan. and he clinged to me like he had no other person to go to.

me : who took care of you?
cub boy : mama.
me : and where is mama now?
cub boy : i dont know.

well i wasnt sure which mama. was it my mama, his, i dont know. all i know, he's my responsibility. like a big sister. but obviously we were not related genetically. because he's somewhat caucasian, and i'm.. well ya know what i'm like. heh.

but the hair, the eyes. i swear i can still remember them. it was sooo profound, what i felt.

and then i lost him. i heard somebody was taking him away to.. um somewhere foreign. i cant remember. so while i was out, looking for him, i ended up being in this very extremely big building, and attending somewhat of an interview. people were throwing silk blouses and scarfs at me, asking me to style this very extremely stunning tall blonde lady, who in 5 secs will be on the runway.

huh???!!! aku stylist??!!!

and thats it. i woke up because somebody rang the bell.







hahahaHAHAHAHAHAH. mesti sakit hati baca mimpi aku yang tak ada conclusion.

but what i felt was real. still does.

i know a witch. a very wicked one.

but when you see her, you cant see the true her. she has an invisible cloak that puts you under a spell. the demonic side of her is mysteriously concealed. everything she says will seem nice, and sweet, and sugar-coated.

but i cant be fooled.

i cant run either. and hide.

and in my sleep, she does things. very evil things.

her devilry is more than ursula's, cruella deville's, darla's, drussilla's, the dark witch's or even paris hilton's combined altogether.






she. is. the. ultimate. femme. fatale.

i am just wondering. and i cant get this this off my case.

-if the soul society is suppose to be the higher place where people go after they die, then why is there poverty? and ranks? and where do shinigamis go after they die in a fight?


-if everything in soul society is made of spirit particles, then how come captain sajin komamura boleh pakai sikat anjing dari bumi yang dibeli oleh 69-on-face hisagi? and how come renji abarai bulih bermakan-makan in the real world without having to have gigai? so spirit particles can work with matter?

aaahh. macam ni la aku kalau nak start buat homework. distraction distraction!!

so anybody who can come up with at least an answer, please.

i wish..

i wish all of the trash in this house get soo emo that they'd stomp out from this house and get themselves trashed into the big bin outside!

-----------------------

i have finally come to my senses and realized.. that im scary. dan aku takut dengan taste aku.

the first time i thought i was scary was, oh wait. no. i thought i looked scary was when i browsed through my pictures right after i got back from paris. hell i was wearing all black. not that i didnt know what i was wearing. but it kinda took me for surprise. because i was wearing EVERYTHING like from head to toe black. takutnya. baru sedar macam mana orang pandang aku sebelum ni. no wonder people were making so much fuss about me wearing black all the time. and so since then i added up a little bit of colors in my wardrobe. sikit je ponn but i'll make sure to mix and match. not that the matching part is so hard to deal with.

but now, i really think im freaky. i just went online to see some contemporary artpieces and i realized that i pretty much like the same stuff. if its not in black white red, then some phychotic pieces. like these stuff ;



okay. sudah sudahlah tu. see my point? this isnt intentional and i was looking at some really really random collection. and ended up liking the same stuff. im not feeling low. not really, at least. so why all the psychotic images? beats me.

twisted. but bloody wicked.

whoa. my head is all over the place except studying.


1)procrastination
2)waste half a day just for sleeping, and the other half.. umm stuff. random.
3)this room is just....aah. how do i say this subtly.. making me feel complacent?
4)aku adalah pemalas semalas-malasnya. MahaMcMalas!

---------------------

exactly one year ago i left malaysia and my anime-fanaticism to live my german dream. heh little did i know, i actually completed the circle and came back to pick things up where i left them. back to bleach. just say i took a rain check. for a year.

---------------------

so based on my observations upon animes, these japanese people kan, suka buat characters based on germans. macam fullmetal alchemist and bleach. not only names and backgrounds, they even made up scripts in german. which i think, hey not bad. pronunciation pon boleh tahan.

but what i dont get is, why the full coverage? especially when it comes to alchemy. and powerful people. is it because germans are naturally big, and the language is considered one of the oldest language in the world and germans are intellectuals? at least back then la kan. sekarang pon. tapi japanese and germans are totally non-related. not geographically. not languagewise. well, except the word 'ach so' la kot.

okay so maybe they wanted to vary stories. ya know, since people dont really know about germans. sebab french, italian, english and americans kan lebih popular.

atauuuuuu.. sebab hitler once uplifted the japanese to be honorary aryan??? and thus - the feeling of great bondage between those two titans could never be forgotten and the resposibility to spread and spread the word through any means of medium!!!!!

jap palotak tak betul jap.

--------------------

aww i just found out that jonathan brandis is dead. rip.

all these years. we went through a lot together.

the never ending story II. it the clown. sidekicks. aladdin. and oh how could i ever forget seaquest. these were major influences during my childhood.

and he hanged himself?? with a nylon rope. that is sad. year 2003. lambat betul aku tahu.

--------------------

so currently apart from going to school, im staying in my room. 24/7. except of course pegi dapur makan, pegi toilet dan sebagainya.

but thats all to it. i dont socialize. i do nothing. i am not even speaking to my housemate. tambah-tambah lagi kalau ada guest staying over. not that im hostile or anything but the bf came visiting my housie, aku malas la nak potong steam orang. anyways, malas betul aku nak tuka shorts to sweatpants, pakai serkup lagi tudung lagi. serabut betul. so we just ym each other if anything. though we're just one three-steps door away.

plus, the crrrruel wind i mentioned, well stays true. nak kayuh basikal sejuk-sejuk, kang kelua lagi hingus. dah la hidung cramp.

well, even if its sunny outside, i stay in. because if i go window shopping... emm there would never be window shopping. because ill buy something. and that will simply defeat the whole going-to-manchester-for-boxing-sale thing.

and now, it depresses me even more because i cant listen to music. of course i can but listening to music in low amplitude - baik tak payah. so okay.. aku bersalah because i let my speakers and subwoofer blasting away. and the neighbors complained. so now whenever i'm watching something, i kept it as low as my threshold of hearing because i dont know how loud my speakers should go. im not even sure if i play my guitars or keyboard that that would actually disrupt the 'harmony and tranquility' of the neighborhood, so i ended up humming rather than singing. tidak mendapat kepuassaaann!

aduii.. itulah kalau dah telinga pekak nak buat macam mana??

-------------------

buku-buku dalam bilik ni menjadi hiasan semata-mata. untuk melengkapkan personaliti aku sebagai seorang pelajar.

sunshine.. on my window.. makes me happy.. like i should be..

piah this is for you. walopon kemere phone, tetap ku amek di kala senja, karena hang demam.

i dont know maann. my mind is somewhat currently twisted caught in between ignorance and umm .. the philosophy of life.




sheesh. thats deep.

apsal bila aku tengok eklan tv malaysia semua orang dah ada slang mengada dalam speech? menyampah betul.

its seriously depressing to wake up every single day looking at dead trees being blown away by crrrruel wind. everything is greenish brown now. even the apple tree outside my window is stark naked. belukar aka secret garden aku pon dah togel. where is snow anyways?? at least snow isnt so much as depressing as this.

blehh. komplen je aku ni. depressing konon. padahal tengah menelan choc kek.

atreyuuuuuuu dan bastiannnnnn

wuuuuuu!!

guess what??








i knowwwwww, its kinda obvious, kan?

aku buhsan tengah melepet dekat meja macam koala nak pengsan bertulis tulis crap.

with 3 entries within less than half an hour.

walaupon angin sejuk muka minyak thus sending me to instant billionairdome.

emm ya know.

minyak = kaya-raya ??

okay next winter aku nak berpanas-panas so jummmmm kita bersurfing-surfing!!!!!

sonik, ena, yati, niki emmmmm dll!! pack beg yall.

pakai bikini woii. tambah tudung. kahkah.