kepingin mahu nasi goreng usa....
untied shoelaces
2 years ago
Wednesday 31 January 2007
Monday 29 January 2007
,
hari pertama peperiksaan : technical drawing
perasaan sebelum : apa aku nak jawab ni??
perasaan semasa : haha kelaka pulak.
exam open book - buku tak membantu.
orang depan meniru - tak membantu juga.
elly disebelah - tak membantu juga (wavelength otak sama dgn aku).
pensel, pembaris, pemadam acapkali berjatuh-jatuhan memecahkan hening atmosfera peperiksaan- tak membantu juga.
orang ketawa bila barang aku semua jatuh - tidak membantu sama sekali.
perasaan selepas : hahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAH
aku high sial. konfem repeat. kecuali kalau miracle berlaku.
penyelesaian : duit jpa dah masuk. retail theraphy!! tadi masuk innenstadt, esok aku nak pegi jalan ikea.
tralala~
perasaan sebelum : apa aku nak jawab ni??
perasaan semasa : haha kelaka pulak.
exam open book - buku tak membantu.
orang depan meniru - tak membantu juga.
elly disebelah - tak membantu juga (wavelength otak sama dgn aku).
pensel, pembaris, pemadam acapkali berjatuh-jatuhan memecahkan hening atmosfera peperiksaan- tak membantu juga.
orang ketawa bila barang aku semua jatuh - tidak membantu sama sekali.
perasaan selepas : hahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAH
aku high sial. konfem repeat. kecuali kalau miracle berlaku.
penyelesaian : duit jpa dah masuk. retail theraphy!! tadi masuk innenstadt, esok aku nak pegi jalan ikea.
tralala~
Saturday 27 January 2007
,
ever had one of those uncomfyness at least once a month, like having back pain and stomach pain, in the middle of the cold, especially during menstruation?? aka periodpain?? and you just HATE it?? and you can't take one of the menstrual panadol crap anymore??
well well lucky you. cause you got me to figure things out for you!
muahah. hah. hah.
just take a verrrry long hot shower. not warm but hot. preferably accompanied by songs like 'kissing a fool' or 'moondance'.
guarantied. very soothing.
well well lucky you. cause you got me to figure things out for you!
muahah. hah. hah.
just take a verrrry long hot shower. not warm but hot. preferably accompanied by songs like 'kissing a fool' or 'moondance'.
guarantied. very soothing.
Thursday 25 January 2007
,
has anybody ever questioned her/himself, why the hell am i doing this?? why did i chose this??
i do.
this is hard. no one has ever told me that this is gonna be hard. i mean, i confess, i did take things for granted, thinking things will be served on a silver platter. but that doesnt mean i have never anticipated that its gonna be hard as well.
its just... this is just harder than i thought it would be.
and then, there comes the 'what if' game. what if -? what if -? what if -? but then there will be to much questions with no answers. so why bother asking in the first place?
because i am such an avoider. if i have one wish i would want to be in the state of cryptobiosis. be still. but that doesnt stop time from running. doesnt change anything. at all. so why bother making a wish in the first place?
because i'm the kind of person who would always take the easiest way out. now there is no option left. no turning back. no nothing. just one road in front of me. and i need to do this. but i'm almost worn. no. i take it back. i'm not worn. i just barely started.
i'm just.. this close (setengah cm) to bailing out. i hope i dont break down and leave things as it is. its just so very the chicken of me to do so.
so whats the verdict, huh??
doubtful. very doubtful.
p/s : this is a freaking out session.
i do.
this is hard. no one has ever told me that this is gonna be hard. i mean, i confess, i did take things for granted, thinking things will be served on a silver platter. but that doesnt mean i have never anticipated that its gonna be hard as well.
its just... this is just harder than i thought it would be.
and then, there comes the 'what if' game. what if -? what if -? what if -? but then there will be to much questions with no answers. so why bother asking in the first place?
because i am such an avoider. if i have one wish i would want to be in the state of cryptobiosis. be still. but that doesnt stop time from running. doesnt change anything. at all. so why bother making a wish in the first place?
because i'm the kind of person who would always take the easiest way out. now there is no option left. no turning back. no nothing. just one road in front of me. and i need to do this. but i'm almost worn. no. i take it back. i'm not worn. i just barely started.
i'm just.. this close (setengah cm) to bailing out. i hope i dont break down and leave things as it is. its just so very the chicken of me to do so.
so whats the verdict, huh??
doubtful. very doubtful.
p/s : this is a freaking out session.
Tuesday 23 January 2007
,
semalam aku mimpi...
doremon buat showcase kat pekan bocholt.
macam tak percaya pulak orang german layan katun jepung.
aku pon terhegeh hegeh kayuh basikal pergi pekan nak tengok doremon.
lepas masuk tempat showcase doremon dah tak beraksi.
tapi makanan free dijamu kepada orang ramai.
aku pon apa lagi, nak serbu lah.
cuba teka makanan apa yang di jamu???
hah?? dorayaki??
SALAH!!
jawapanya....
CEKODOK!!!!!
lagi aku tak percaya orang jepung layan makanan melayu.
tibak aku bangun.
terus pergi dapur.
tak gosok gigi, tak basuh muka.
terus lenyek pisang, nak buat cekodok.
terus goreng.
lepas mandi try la telan cekodok.
masin???
laaaaaa..
lupa nak tuka minyak rupanya.
habis kunyit garam goreng ayam semalam melekat kat cekodok.
cisss. doremon punya pasal.
doremon buat showcase kat pekan bocholt.
macam tak percaya pulak orang german layan katun jepung.
aku pon terhegeh hegeh kayuh basikal pergi pekan nak tengok doremon.
lepas masuk tempat showcase doremon dah tak beraksi.
tapi makanan free dijamu kepada orang ramai.
aku pon apa lagi, nak serbu lah.
cuba teka makanan apa yang di jamu???
hah?? dorayaki??
SALAH!!
jawapanya....
CEKODOK!!!!!
lagi aku tak percaya orang jepung layan makanan melayu.
tibak aku bangun.
terus pergi dapur.
tak gosok gigi, tak basuh muka.
terus lenyek pisang, nak buat cekodok.
terus goreng.
lepas mandi try la telan cekodok.
masin???
laaaaaa..
lupa nak tuka minyak rupanya.
habis kunyit garam goreng ayam semalam melekat kat cekodok.
cisss. doremon punya pasal.
Monday 22 January 2007
,
omg omg omg omg omfg!!!
hahah guys look what i found. this came to me while i was doing the dishes. biasalah aku kan buat kerja tak lemah gemalai so while rearranging the pots and pans, keluarlah bunyi bunyian. dengan tiba-tiba - mulut aku menuturkan perkataan-perkataan ini satu persatu ;
hahah guys look what i found. this came to me while i was doing the dishes. biasalah aku kan buat kerja tak lemah gemalai so while rearranging the pots and pans, keluarlah bunyi bunyian. dengan tiba-tiba - mulut aku menuturkan perkataan-perkataan ini satu persatu ;
she'd scour the pot and scrape the pan
and thooooooough her daddy would scream and shout!!
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the garbage out!
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,
Candy the yams and spice the hams,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the garbage out.
And so it piled up to the ceilings:
Coffee grounds, potato peelings,
Brown bananas, rotten peas,
Chunks of sour cottage cheese.
It filled the can, it covered the floor,
It cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones,
Drippy ends of ice cream cones,
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel,
Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal,
Pizza crusts and withered greens,
Soggy beans and tangerines,
Crusts of black burned buttered toast,
Gristly bits of beefy roasts. . .
The garbage rolled on down the hall,
It raised the roof, it broke the wall. . .
Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,
Globs of gooey bubble gum,
Cellophane from green baloney,
Rubbery blubbery macaroni,
Peanut butter, caked and dry,
Curdled milk and crusts of pie,
Moldy melons, dried-up mustard,
Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,
Cold french fried and rancid meat,
Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.
At last the garbage reached so high
That it finally touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the garbage out!
Shel Silverstein, 1974
and thooooooough her daddy would scream and shout!!
HAHAHA sapa ingat angkat tangan??!!!! (dengan semangat ahli kelas dua jaya mengangkat tangan) so i googled and found....
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the garbage out!
She'd scour the pots and scrape the pans,
Candy the yams and spice the hams,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the garbage out.
And so it piled up to the ceilings:
Coffee grounds, potato peelings,
Brown bananas, rotten peas,
Chunks of sour cottage cheese.
It filled the can, it covered the floor,
It cracked the window and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones,
Drippy ends of ice cream cones,
Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel,
Gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal,
Pizza crusts and withered greens,
Soggy beans and tangerines,
Crusts of black burned buttered toast,
Gristly bits of beefy roasts. . .
The garbage rolled on down the hall,
It raised the roof, it broke the wall. . .
Greasy napkins, cookie crumbs,
Globs of gooey bubble gum,
Cellophane from green baloney,
Rubbery blubbery macaroni,
Peanut butter, caked and dry,
Curdled milk and crusts of pie,
Moldy melons, dried-up mustard,
Eggshells mixed with lemon custard,
Cold french fried and rancid meat,
Yellow lumps of Cream of Wheat.
At last the garbage reached so high
That it finally touched the sky.
And all the neighbors moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the garbage out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The garbage reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the garbage she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But children, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the garbage out!
Shel Silverstein, 1974
Sunday 21 January 2007
,
WEEEE!
what a great day. the suns up, the winds blowing and all i need are sand, sea and surf to complete the day. heheh. no, seriously the most important thing that contributed to this bliss - the black out. had the most blackest black out last night. as in, black out otak. i couldnt get myself to sleep for a few days now, and last night, whoa. like, whoa. i woke up smiling, thats how great it was.
anyhoo im just wondering, how come i could be such a retard at times? happened to me couple of times;
i just sit, staring blankly at the wall, wondering what the hell i'm suppose to do next. i know i need to do something - pronto - but what?? should i text someone, should i pray, oh no scratch that, did that already. hmm should i go and eat? or.. ugh what??
oh yea. i know.
nak pergi berak jap.
supastik, kan??
what a great day. the suns up, the winds blowing and all i need are sand, sea and surf to complete the day. heheh. no, seriously the most important thing that contributed to this bliss - the black out. had the most blackest black out last night. as in, black out otak. i couldnt get myself to sleep for a few days now, and last night, whoa. like, whoa. i woke up smiling, thats how great it was.
anyhoo im just wondering, how come i could be such a retard at times? happened to me couple of times;
i just sit, staring blankly at the wall, wondering what the hell i'm suppose to do next. i know i need to do something - pronto - but what?? should i text someone, should i pray, oh no scratch that, did that already. hmm should i go and eat? or.. ugh what??
oh yea. i know.
nak pergi berak jap.
supastik, kan??
Saturday 20 January 2007
,
memonteng kelas itu nikmat.
peperiksaan itu serabut.
mengayuh basikal itu kesakitan.
membeli barangan itu kebahagiaan.
bankrapsi itu sengsara.
lagha itu memusnahkan.
rabun (serta astig) itu tidak menyelesakan.
lagu lama (motown, rock n roll, 50s, 60s, 70s) itu menaikkan sheikh (hahah high??).
chia (andy chiavetta y'all) itu panas.
skimmboardin itu godaan.
dan cinta itu... pedih?
peperiksaan itu serabut.
mengayuh basikal itu kesakitan.
membeli barangan itu kebahagiaan.
bankrapsi itu sengsara.
lagha itu memusnahkan.
rabun (serta astig) itu tidak menyelesakan.
lagu lama (motown, rock n roll, 50s, 60s, 70s) itu menaikkan sheikh (hahah high??).
chia (andy chiavetta y'all) itu panas.
skimmboardin itu godaan.
dan cinta itu... pedih?
Thursday 18 January 2007
,
oh aku tidak tahu. rupanya Orkan Kyrill sedang meributi hampir seluruh Eropah.
aku sepatutnya ke kelas pagi tadi. malangnya ku terpassed out lalu terbangun lambat. bila ku buka mata, angin sepoi² sprache (bahasa) bertiup.
bila ku buka berita, ropanya Kyrill. tidaklah sesepoi yang kusangka.
tempatku. 1 Knot = 1.85 km/h
fuhh ini adalah kelajuan angin dalam masa 1 pm, pada masa yang sama aku patut berkayuhan pulang ke rumah.
alhamdulillah ku tertidur. kalau ku berkayuh ke kelas pagi tadi, basikalku mesti tidak bergerak. lembu hanya mampu memandang penuh simpati sahaja.
(dengan nada seriuus) 3 nyawa telah terkorban di Jerman akibat ribut ini.
aku sepatutnya ke kelas pagi tadi. malangnya ku terpassed out lalu terbangun lambat. bila ku buka mata, angin sepoi² sprache (bahasa) bertiup.
bila ku buka berita, ropanya Kyrill. tidaklah sesepoi yang kusangka.
tempatku. 1 Knot = 1.85 km/hfuhh ini adalah kelajuan angin dalam masa 1 pm, pada masa yang sama aku patut berkayuhan pulang ke rumah.
alhamdulillah ku tertidur. kalau ku berkayuh ke kelas pagi tadi, basikalku mesti tidak bergerak. lembu hanya mampu memandang penuh simpati sahaja.
(dengan nada seriuus) 3 nyawa telah terkorban di Jerman akibat ribut ini.
,
uhh?
-bank negara's cheuque bounced?
-PKN kids being sent to johor to help the flood victims??
-there's GAN (Gerakan Anti-Najib) ??
-Anwars fighting Najib?
-Najib has something to do with the Mongolian model's murder??
-and he's trying to meet Mahathir, who's up in London, but refused to meet Najib?
-and uummmm.. Pak Lah went down and under to Australia to ummmm.. merasmikan restoran Nasi Kandar??
-all these while Johorians are struggling to keep their heads up above the water?? literally.
man.. politics back at home is sooo scandalous, i live for this shit. even if half of it are not true, they are still juicy rumors!!
-bank negara's cheuque bounced?
-PKN kids being sent to johor to help the flood victims??
-there's GAN (Gerakan Anti-Najib) ??
-Anwars fighting Najib?
-Najib has something to do with the Mongolian model's murder??
-and he's trying to meet Mahathir, who's up in London, but refused to meet Najib?
-and uummmm.. Pak Lah went down and under to Australia to ummmm.. merasmikan restoran Nasi Kandar??
-all these while Johorians are struggling to keep their heads up above the water?? literally.
man.. politics back at home is sooo scandalous, i live for this shit. even if half of it are not true, they are still juicy rumors!!
Tuesday 16 January 2007
,
i am currently listening to;
-Surfer Babe - McFly-
-Surfer Babe - McFly-
i am currently having a chain of thoughts regarding;
-surfing-
-jack johnson (and 'girl i wanna lay you down') -
and thus, making me think of;
and then, makes me feel almost impossible to;
-get those abs!!!-
damn the song surfer babe!
and thus, making me think of;
and then, makes me feel almost impossible to;
-get those abs!!!-damn the song surfer babe!
p/s : has anybody ever tried eating kitkat after brushing teeth? sedap gila tak tipu.
Monday 15 January 2007
,
esok aku nak kayuh beskal pergi PLUS membeli ;
saja ja. walaupon aku dah byk lampu dalam bilik ni tapi aku sungguh tak tahan tengok lampu bermosaic itu. dan selama setahun disini aku bersejadahkan kain kecik oleh itu aku akan membeli rug cotton 10 euro. sekian.
saja ja. walaupon aku dah byk lampu dalam bilik ni tapi aku sungguh tak tahan tengok lampu bermosaic itu. dan selama setahun disini aku bersejadahkan kain kecik oleh itu aku akan membeli rug cotton 10 euro. sekian.
,
while i was golek-goleking on the bed, there was this smell that hit my nostrils. a familiar smell. a smell of my childhood.
to be honest, i can't really remember my childhood in my nucleus family, apart from my mom rushing us to go to school every morning. when it comes to holidays, i just remembered spending them with my cousins, uncles and aunts.
and i don't know why, these images of me, my couz and my grandma, spending time in a big wooden bungalow (seemed big to me anyways, since i was smaller at that time) kept on haunting me this couple of days. and oh the smell. wonders smell can do.
i can't exactly remember at which beach we spent that holiday since every holiday we seemed to spend at beaches (thus kulit ku yang lebih hitam berbanding adik beradikku ini kehkeh). all i can remember is, the bungalow was just next to the beach but somehow we had to take a cable car to get there (berbukit yang maha tinggi agaknya). and every breakfast we sit together on the balcony overviewing the sea. i was so darn excited to get up every morning, and ate my breakfast as quickly as i could while watching jet skis.
and that was the time when i found out that i was a premature baby. tokyan (grandma) apparently was in the story-mory mode and after she finished her tale on how she spent her childhood, she told us about her experience as a grandma pulak. and then, about my birth. she said the doctor told my mum that she needs to do a cesarean operation, because my internal organs had developed within only 7 months. and since i could already digest, and bernyahtinja on my own, they need to get me out of there or i'll eat my own crap. yish. what a disturbing image.
well anyhooooo, i missed those days. days that i just could lay on the beach, letting the waves catch my body, hair and whatever else i had on. days that i could just hop on anybody's back to get a ride of jet ski. and eventually getting to drive it on my own. and then there's always banana boat. and lala kutiping. and then later eat it. sedap woooo rasa puas macam nelayan. kutip lala buat masak lemak cili api. haihhh... and then watch my skin gets dry - lack of sunlotion - lepas tu panggil kaki keringku kaki bersisik. and pretend i'm turning into a mermaid.
hahahHAHAHAH iye aku penuh imiginasi masa kecik-kecik dulu.
so come to think of it, its prolly why i don't really have my own space in the house. right after i went into the boarding school, my room was turned into the closet/bilik simpanan baju/ironing room. then currently, my dad turned the room as The Jamming Room. guitars, amplifiers blabla guitar maintenance.
so since tokyan passed away, i sometimes dominate her room. with a shower of my own. and telephone. the downside is - aircond rosak. and the fan twirls like shit. macam takada angin. so i resort to the living room occasionally. and i crash my sis's room. lama kelamaan aku tido aja dimana mataku nak tutup.
so now having my own room - and space - i loved it. still does. and i still will. everything in here is mine. and i have ultimate authority on every single item. where to put, which to throw, what color to decide (green semestinya). hahaha its MY perrogative!! (macam gila kuasa pulak). thus explains why i could be messy at times and a neat freak at times. because i need space on my own to implement my own system. and thats why i'm actually the biggest slob at home - even my dad can't tolerate it. heheheh actually coming from a man - it is embarassing. but then again, my dad is the ultimate perfectionist so... apa-apakan sajalaah abahhh!
to be honest, i can't really remember my childhood in my nucleus family, apart from my mom rushing us to go to school every morning. when it comes to holidays, i just remembered spending them with my cousins, uncles and aunts.
and i don't know why, these images of me, my couz and my grandma, spending time in a big wooden bungalow (seemed big to me anyways, since i was smaller at that time) kept on haunting me this couple of days. and oh the smell. wonders smell can do.
i can't exactly remember at which beach we spent that holiday since every holiday we seemed to spend at beaches (thus kulit ku yang lebih hitam berbanding adik beradikku ini kehkeh). all i can remember is, the bungalow was just next to the beach but somehow we had to take a cable car to get there (berbukit yang maha tinggi agaknya). and every breakfast we sit together on the balcony overviewing the sea. i was so darn excited to get up every morning, and ate my breakfast as quickly as i could while watching jet skis.
and that was the time when i found out that i was a premature baby. tokyan (grandma) apparently was in the story-mory mode and after she finished her tale on how she spent her childhood, she told us about her experience as a grandma pulak. and then, about my birth. she said the doctor told my mum that she needs to do a cesarean operation, because my internal organs had developed within only 7 months. and since i could already digest, and bernyahtinja on my own, they need to get me out of there or i'll eat my own crap. yish. what a disturbing image.
well anyhooooo, i missed those days. days that i just could lay on the beach, letting the waves catch my body, hair and whatever else i had on. days that i could just hop on anybody's back to get a ride of jet ski. and eventually getting to drive it on my own. and then there's always banana boat. and lala kutiping. and then later eat it. sedap woooo rasa puas macam nelayan. kutip lala buat masak lemak cili api. haihhh... and then watch my skin gets dry - lack of sunlotion - lepas tu panggil kaki keringku kaki bersisik. and pretend i'm turning into a mermaid.
hahahHAHAHAH iye aku penuh imiginasi masa kecik-kecik dulu.
so come to think of it, its prolly why i don't really have my own space in the house. right after i went into the boarding school, my room was turned into the closet/bilik simpanan baju/ironing room. then currently, my dad turned the room as The Jamming Room. guitars, amplifiers blabla guitar maintenance.
so since tokyan passed away, i sometimes dominate her room. with a shower of my own. and telephone. the downside is - aircond rosak. and the fan twirls like shit. macam takada angin. so i resort to the living room occasionally. and i crash my sis's room. lama kelamaan aku tido aja dimana mataku nak tutup.
so now having my own room - and space - i loved it. still does. and i still will. everything in here is mine. and i have ultimate authority on every single item. where to put, which to throw, what color to decide (green semestinya). hahaha its MY perrogative!! (macam gila kuasa pulak). thus explains why i could be messy at times and a neat freak at times. because i need space on my own to implement my own system. and thats why i'm actually the biggest slob at home - even my dad can't tolerate it. heheheh actually coming from a man - it is embarassing. but then again, my dad is the ultimate perfectionist so... apa-apakan sajalaah abahhh!
Saturday 13 January 2007
,
hallo. my name is keshet and i have an addiction.
some people categorize my addiction as obsessive compulsive spectrum disorder (OCD) while some call it stereotypic movement disorder(SMD). i havent exactly been officially diagnosed since a lot of professionals out there dont really know whats going on about this addiction either.
i thought this addiction is just plain (but freaky) habit. like biting nails. i think its normal that people have this tendency to bite their nails, although i'd have to say its very unhygienic. but biting nails is different from what i have. because i've never actually met anybody who is as chronic as i am. until yesterday. apparently, only about 1%-3% of the population undergo this addiction. oh yes - they have found a name for it - trichotillomania.
this behavior has something to do with psychology. i guess my neurotransmitters just dont work too well. heheh. a lot of people who undergo this disorder usually were triggered by some stress environment or experienced sexual/physical/mental abuse. funny i started this addiction out of nothing. out of boredom maybe. it has been 8 years now and i dont even realize im doing it. sometimes when anxiety attacks, yes maybe, or sometimes when i think i wanna think, but in the end i ended up not thinking at all because im concentrating on it.
the way to cure is not yet available but treatment could do some good. the problem is, i either take a diet or take some medication. i can't go low carb, i'm a fucking student. and i can't take medication. because its either cannabis or prozac. hell i dont want to end up as a drug addict thank you very much. enough with depression and insomnia.
so now i need to be more alert to stay 'sober'. its like being alcoholic or drug addict, really. because you can and try to stay sober as long as you want but once you start on it again, bang! you're in the deep hole. again.
so, to me. PULL FREE!!
some people categorize my addiction as obsessive compulsive spectrum disorder (OCD) while some call it stereotypic movement disorder(SMD). i havent exactly been officially diagnosed since a lot of professionals out there dont really know whats going on about this addiction either.
i thought this addiction is just plain (but freaky) habit. like biting nails. i think its normal that people have this tendency to bite their nails, although i'd have to say its very unhygienic. but biting nails is different from what i have. because i've never actually met anybody who is as chronic as i am. until yesterday. apparently, only about 1%-3% of the population undergo this addiction. oh yes - they have found a name for it - trichotillomania.
this behavior has something to do with psychology. i guess my neurotransmitters just dont work too well. heheh. a lot of people who undergo this disorder usually were triggered by some stress environment or experienced sexual/physical/mental abuse. funny i started this addiction out of nothing. out of boredom maybe. it has been 8 years now and i dont even realize im doing it. sometimes when anxiety attacks, yes maybe, or sometimes when i think i wanna think, but in the end i ended up not thinking at all because im concentrating on it.
the way to cure is not yet available but treatment could do some good. the problem is, i either take a diet or take some medication. i can't go low carb, i'm a fucking student. and i can't take medication. because its either cannabis or prozac. hell i dont want to end up as a drug addict thank you very much. enough with depression and insomnia.
so now i need to be more alert to stay 'sober'. its like being alcoholic or drug addict, really. because you can and try to stay sober as long as you want but once you start on it again, bang! you're in the deep hole. again.
so, to me. PULL FREE!!
Monday 8 January 2007
,
di kala kala ku sedang membuat lukisan kejuruteraan (yang kurang hajo ini) tiba-tiba baru ku sadari akan lirik lagu yang telah beribukali diputar dengan itunes ku. selama ini ku hanya suka mendengar melodinya yang agak rancak tapi bila ku amati liriknya, ia telah membuat ku tergelak kekehkehan.
"It Wasn't Me"
(Shaggy feat. Ricardo Ducent)
(Yo', man) Yo'
(Open up, man) What do you want, man?
(My girl just caught me) You let her catch you?
(I don't know how I let this happen) With who?
(The girl next door, you know) Man
(I don't know what to do) Say it wasn't you
(Alright)
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me
How you can grant the woman access to your villa
Trespasser and a witness while you cling to your pillow
You better watch your back before she turn into a killer
Best for you and the situation not to call the beaner
To be a true player you have to know how to play
If she say you're not, convince her say a day
Never admit to a word when she say makes a claim
And you tell her baby no way
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me
Make sure she knows it's not you and lead her on da right prefix
Whenever you should see her make da giggolo flex
As funny as it be by you, it not that complex
Seein is believin so you better change your specs
You know she not gonna be worrying bout things from the past
Hardly recollecting and then she'll go to noontime mass
Wait for your answer: go over there
But if she pack a gun you know you better run fast
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me
Gonna tell her that I'm sorry
For the pain that I've caused
I've been listenin to your reasonin
It makes no sense at all
We should tell her that I'm sorry
For the pain that I've caused
You may think that you're a player
But you're completely lost
That's why I sing
"It Wasn't Me"
(Shaggy feat. Ricardo Ducent)
(Yo', man) Yo'
(Open up, man) What do you want, man?
(My girl just caught me) You let her catch you?
(I don't know how I let this happen) With who?
(The girl next door, you know) Man
(I don't know what to do) Say it wasn't you
(Alright)
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me
How you can grant the woman access to your villa
Trespasser and a witness while you cling to your pillow
You better watch your back before she turn into a killer
Best for you and the situation not to call the beaner
To be a true player you have to know how to play
If she say you're not, convince her say a day
Never admit to a word when she say makes a claim
And you tell her baby no way
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me
Make sure she knows it's not you and lead her on da right prefix
Whenever you should see her make da giggolo flex
As funny as it be by you, it not that complex
Seein is believin so you better change your specs
You know she not gonna be worrying bout things from the past
Hardly recollecting and then she'll go to noontime mass
Wait for your answer: go over there
But if she pack a gun you know you better run fast
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the scream get louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin' on the bathroom floor
How could I forget that I had
Given her an extra key
All this time she was standing there
She never took her eyes off me
Gonna tell her that I'm sorry
For the pain that I've caused
I've been listenin to your reasonin
It makes no sense at all
We should tell her that I'm sorry
For the pain that I've caused
You may think that you're a player
But you're completely lost
That's why I sing
Sunday 7 January 2007
,
if i write entry almost everyday of the week that means;
1) i am very depressed
2) i have non-stop random thoughts
3) i just have some assignments due in the next few days
and right now, its the latter.
i know i have assignments and i'm trying to force my ass to stay put in front of the computer but the thing is, i can't put myself to finish my work. oh, in fact to start. my royal laziness is hard to beat!
so i find distractions. like polishing the silverware, every single mirror in the house, sweep the floor and since i don't own (yet) a vacuum cleaner, i sweep and pick up all the hair on the carpet, arranging papers, books, magazines (which dont need to be touched anyways), do the laundry, and finally make an apple pie.
hmmmmm...
and i've just started 0.1% of my assignment. its due on the 10th. and it consumes 10% of my finals.
so i guess i have priorities issue and i need to pull all-nighter.
yishhhhhh! mcmati!!!
1) i am very depressed
2) i have non-stop random thoughts
3) i just have some assignments due in the next few days
and right now, its the latter.
i know i have assignments and i'm trying to force my ass to stay put in front of the computer but the thing is, i can't put myself to finish my work. oh, in fact to start. my royal laziness is hard to beat!
so i find distractions. like polishing the silverware, every single mirror in the house, sweep the floor and since i don't own (yet) a vacuum cleaner, i sweep and pick up all the hair on the carpet, arranging papers, books, magazines (which dont need to be touched anyways), do the laundry, and finally make an apple pie.
hmmmmm...
and i've just started 0.1% of my assignment. its due on the 10th. and it consumes 10% of my finals.
so i guess i have priorities issue and i need to pull all-nighter.
yishhhhhh! mcmati!!!
Saturday 6 January 2007
,
aku tak faham kenapa kebanyakan lelaki terutamanya lelaki melayu suka mengamalkan double standard.
kalau perempuan cakap banyak, lelaki kata bergosip.
kalau lelaki cakap banyak, kata 'we're doing some catching up'.
tapi kalau dapat perempuan tak happening, tak bercakap, kata buhsan.
kalau perempuan suka membeli belah, lelaki kata materialistik.
tapi lelaki pon tak bulih tahan tengok tanda sale, terutamanya pada jersey-jersey, barangan nike atau pon yang sewaktu dengannya.
dan ada hati hendak perempuan pandai dressing, kalau tak, kata selebet, kampung dan sebagainya.
kalau perempuan leleh air liur sikit tengok pelakon lelaki hollywood, kata perempuan ni memilih. dan bulih bising pulak kalau perempuan risau dengan berat badan.
padahal lelaki muka nak pecah rumah pon nak perempuan kurus, sexymeksi, seboleh bolehnya muka ada pan-asian.
yang paling teruk golongan yang suka menghina depan-depan mengatakan perempuan gemuk.
dalam hal-hal sebegini, siapa yang bersalah meletakkan standard-standard ke paras yang lebih tinggi?
tapi seperti yang dikatakan sebelum ini, KEBANYAKAN lelaki. tapi kalau ada yang terasa bahang, saya tidak bermaksud untuk mencakar balarkan ego anda.
cheerios y'all!
kalau perempuan cakap banyak, lelaki kata bergosip.
kalau lelaki cakap banyak, kata 'we're doing some catching up'.
tapi kalau dapat perempuan tak happening, tak bercakap, kata buhsan.
kalau perempuan suka membeli belah, lelaki kata materialistik.
tapi lelaki pon tak bulih tahan tengok tanda sale, terutamanya pada jersey-jersey, barangan nike atau pon yang sewaktu dengannya.
dan ada hati hendak perempuan pandai dressing, kalau tak, kata selebet, kampung dan sebagainya.
kalau perempuan leleh air liur sikit tengok pelakon lelaki hollywood, kata perempuan ni memilih. dan bulih bising pulak kalau perempuan risau dengan berat badan.
padahal lelaki muka nak pecah rumah pon nak perempuan kurus, sexymeksi, seboleh bolehnya muka ada pan-asian.
yang paling teruk golongan yang suka menghina depan-depan mengatakan perempuan gemuk.
dalam hal-hal sebegini, siapa yang bersalah meletakkan standard-standard ke paras yang lebih tinggi?
tapi seperti yang dikatakan sebelum ini, KEBANYAKAN lelaki. tapi kalau ada yang terasa bahang, saya tidak bermaksud untuk mencakar balarkan ego anda.
cheerios y'all!
Friday 5 January 2007
Thursday 4 January 2007
,
EPISODE TWO OF CHRISTMAS BREAK
Day Two, Three and Four
-taki and i got into shopping mode and went into almost every shop to do a survey a.k.a nak book baju la konon dan menaruh harapan harga akan turun 50% on boxing day.
-picked up intan n friends. sorry intan. memang takle nak tahan kencing sesampai airport so i was in the mode of botol hunt.
-on day four i couldnt resist anymore. i saw 5pounds on the rack and grabbed whatever i think i liked. changing rooms dah tak main laa.
Day Five, 25th Dec
-macam sial ja satu manchester. walking in the city was like an experiece from Dawn of the Dead. there wasnt any bus on the streets and nando's pon tutup?? apa ni??
Day Six, Boxing Day
-hahahHAHAHA this is i think the most remembered day on my manchester trip. okay, i didnt tell anyone about this just to give the fellow readers the juiciest scoop. sorry taki intan niki..
-so anyways, intan and the gang woke up extremely early to box leaving us sleeping. taki then berkelam kabut to pick niki up. so i was basically left alone. and i took my own sweet time berlalalashowering since intan texted me there werent too many people boxing.
then things happenned. i didnt want to take the bus because as taki said, 'bus charge mahal gila masa boxing day!' so i strutted with confidence and i thought, 'piece of cake, we walked all over town yesterday.' and i strutted and strutted and - 'hey. apsal aku tak sampai-sampai lagi ni? i thought it took us less time yesterday than this. but everything still seemed familiar.'
until i reached the train station. which supposed to be nuts. (direct translation - kacang laaa). but its the other side of the train station. backside la kot. so i walked straight and at this point i totally depended on signboards. hahah because i didnt feel like going back and start all over again. piece of cake right? manchester isnt that big. and im walking so that means i'm not that lost. plus, the signboards are showing city center so that means i'm still not in city center.
i came to this tunnel and hell - scary berry okay?? very few cars and absolutely dimmed lights. okay, now i'm neither strutting nor walking. its called scramble. yes i was scrambling. and oh was i glad to be at the end of the tunnel because finally - sunlight! but to find an industrial area - huh?? so i stood there for two whole minutes figuring out - where the hell am i??
SHEFFIELD STREET was on the sign. there were two roads - one going into another tunnel and i think that was the way to the carpark and the other was going further more into the industrial area. ooookay. the sign to city center showed to go further into the industrial area but i really think i'm making a seriously big round of manchester.
should i go across the carpark and get out through the train station? but carparks are dangerous!
or should i just go into the kilangs area? when will i ever be in city center?
i am soooo not going back for what it is worth!
ugh. think!!!
and then, there came this car from the car park and stopped around 50 meters in front of me.
okay lized. time to go and ask.
but.. what if he's a pervert raper? or a psychotic serial killer? or a desperate robber who takes advantage of a lost foreigner? or even worse - he just simply doesn't care???
and when i walked past the car, i saw he was digging something at the back seat. fucking hell. i decided to walk away. the car then went into one of the factories and came out 3 minutes later and he looked at me. i guess he could smell the strong aroma of confusion and indecisiveness coming out from me.
ugh what the fuck. i should give him the benefit of the doubt!
me : ermm excuse me. you know which way should i take to get to city center?
driver : there * gesturing the creepy tunnel* . come, i'll take you there.
me : yea, you'd do that? thanks.
in the car ;
driver : so what are you doing back there?
me : figuring my way out.
driver : you do know that that was a red area, right?
me : what?? seriously?? nooo. no. omigosh. i was following the sign..
and then he asked couple of random questions like what was i doing in manchester.. blablabla. then he dropped me off at the bus station telling me which way to take and everything.
driver : oh and are you okay with cash?
me : umm yeah.
driver : you sure there?
me : yea yea. i'm TOTALLY fine. thanks.
dude, i got 150 pound in my wallet right freaking now, no worries. if you're a robber, this is your lucky day.
and so EVERYTHING seemed to be familiar again thanks to the driver and while working my way out i have done some self-reflecting.
-red area - either a no-entry area or place where hookers hang out. naseb pakai tudung bebbb!
-so he prolly thought i was short on cash since i didnt take any public transport.
-and ego kills.
but all in all, the whole thing didnt defeat my initial intention. hey, at least i got a free ride!!
so intan, remember that night when we wanted to go back to arndale and i asked you guys which way you took that morning? yea thats because i know jack which way to take.
-niki sampai. then kami bermakan-makan di nando's dan menonton PERFUME : THE STORY OF A MURDERER. a european film, thus a lot of nudity scenes. which can be totally ignored. not much of scripts thus VERY passionate expressions. i loved every plot.
-shopping dan shopping. tapi tak sesemangat intan.
-the rest was just good times with glace!!!
Day Two, Three and Four
-taki and i got into shopping mode and went into almost every shop to do a survey a.k.a nak book baju la konon dan menaruh harapan harga akan turun 50% on boxing day.
-picked up intan n friends. sorry intan. memang takle nak tahan kencing sesampai airport so i was in the mode of botol hunt.
-on day four i couldnt resist anymore. i saw 5pounds on the rack and grabbed whatever i think i liked. changing rooms dah tak main laa.
Day Five, 25th Dec
-macam sial ja satu manchester. walking in the city was like an experiece from Dawn of the Dead. there wasnt any bus on the streets and nando's pon tutup?? apa ni??
Day Six, Boxing Day
-hahahHAHAHA this is i think the most remembered day on my manchester trip. okay, i didnt tell anyone about this just to give the fellow readers the juiciest scoop. sorry taki intan niki..
-so anyways, intan and the gang woke up extremely early to box leaving us sleeping. taki then berkelam kabut to pick niki up. so i was basically left alone. and i took my own sweet time berlalalashowering since intan texted me there werent too many people boxing.
then things happenned. i didnt want to take the bus because as taki said, 'bus charge mahal gila masa boxing day!' so i strutted with confidence and i thought, 'piece of cake, we walked all over town yesterday.' and i strutted and strutted and - 'hey. apsal aku tak sampai-sampai lagi ni? i thought it took us less time yesterday than this. but everything still seemed familiar.'
until i reached the train station. which supposed to be nuts. (direct translation - kacang laaa). but its the other side of the train station. backside la kot. so i walked straight and at this point i totally depended on signboards. hahah because i didnt feel like going back and start all over again. piece of cake right? manchester isnt that big. and im walking so that means i'm not that lost. plus, the signboards are showing city center so that means i'm still not in city center.
i came to this tunnel and hell - scary berry okay?? very few cars and absolutely dimmed lights. okay, now i'm neither strutting nor walking. its called scramble. yes i was scrambling. and oh was i glad to be at the end of the tunnel because finally - sunlight! but to find an industrial area - huh?? so i stood there for two whole minutes figuring out - where the hell am i??
SHEFFIELD STREET was on the sign. there were two roads - one going into another tunnel and i think that was the way to the carpark and the other was going further more into the industrial area. ooookay. the sign to city center showed to go further into the industrial area but i really think i'm making a seriously big round of manchester.
should i go across the carpark and get out through the train station? but carparks are dangerous!
or should i just go into the kilangs area? when will i ever be in city center?
i am soooo not going back for what it is worth!
ugh. think!!!
and then, there came this car from the car park and stopped around 50 meters in front of me.
okay lized. time to go and ask.
but.. what if he's a pervert raper? or a psychotic serial killer? or a desperate robber who takes advantage of a lost foreigner? or even worse - he just simply doesn't care???
and when i walked past the car, i saw he was digging something at the back seat. fucking hell. i decided to walk away. the car then went into one of the factories and came out 3 minutes later and he looked at me. i guess he could smell the strong aroma of confusion and indecisiveness coming out from me.
ugh what the fuck. i should give him the benefit of the doubt!
me : ermm excuse me. you know which way should i take to get to city center?
driver : there * gesturing the creepy tunnel* . come, i'll take you there.
me : yea, you'd do that? thanks.
in the car ;
driver : so what are you doing back there?
me : figuring my way out.
driver : you do know that that was a red area, right?
me : what?? seriously?? nooo. no. omigosh. i was following the sign..
and then he asked couple of random questions like what was i doing in manchester.. blablabla. then he dropped me off at the bus station telling me which way to take and everything.
driver : oh and are you okay with cash?
me : umm yeah.
driver : you sure there?
me : yea yea. i'm TOTALLY fine. thanks.
dude, i got 150 pound in my wallet right freaking now, no worries. if you're a robber, this is your lucky day.
and so EVERYTHING seemed to be familiar again thanks to the driver and while working my way out i have done some self-reflecting.
-red area - either a no-entry area or place where hookers hang out. naseb pakai tudung bebbb!
-so he prolly thought i was short on cash since i didnt take any public transport.
-and ego kills.
but all in all, the whole thing didnt defeat my initial intention. hey, at least i got a free ride!!
so intan, remember that night when we wanted to go back to arndale and i asked you guys which way you took that morning? yea thats because i know jack which way to take.
-niki sampai. then kami bermakan-makan di nando's dan menonton PERFUME : THE STORY OF A MURDERER. a european film, thus a lot of nudity scenes. which can be totally ignored. not much of scripts thus VERY passionate expressions. i loved every plot.
-shopping dan shopping. tapi tak sesemangat intan.
-the rest was just good times with glace!!!
Wednesday 3 January 2007
,
- i have no new year resolution whatsoever. sebab aku ni hangat-hangat tahi ayam. so dalam kepala saja. kalau tulis lagi tak mau buat.
-updates!!
EPISODE ONE OF CHRISTMAS BREAK
DAY ONE
-woke up extremely early and rehearsed every single change of train and flight and time. hoho. gabra jugak fly sorang-sorang.
-airport gate : apparently i was the only one flying to uk whos wearing hijab. black hijab, brown jaket and BIG brown boots. and yea, i was the only at the gate who got interrogated. panic waves for a while okay?? tapi muka control macho la. senyum manis kat pakcik interrogator tu biar dia cair sikit.
-flights were okay but at times i remembered final destination and langoliers. weird is, i've never thought of these when people i know were on the same plane. so i guess it must've been flying-alone paranoia.
-landed in style in manchester! dengan confident dan macho aku berjalan membeli tiket dan masuk train yang tidak diketahui kemana arahnya. so there were these two guys standing at the trains door.
me : um fährt der zug nach picadilly?
the 2 guys : huh???!!!
me : *oh yea crap. now i'm speaking german to english?* ehem. umm does .. this.. train.. go to picadilly?
(terhegeh nak cakap english. yela dengan siapa aku nak berborak dalam inggeris? oh yea and i pronounced picadilly as in pi-khe-delli)
the 2 guys : uh?
me : pi-KHE-delli.
the 2 guys : oh pi-ka-DELL-li. yea.
me : yea that. thanks. *aku mengamericanizedkan sangat ke pekataan tu??*
ugh that was embarrassing. first i spoke in german. second they stressed on how to pronounced the word in english. as in English. iye aku ini foreigner.
-entered taki's. welcomed by the aroma of ikan bilis goreng. huiii. terima kasiiih taki masak nasi lemak untuk aku.
-sesi bergitar sampai pengsan.
-updates!!
EPISODE ONE OF CHRISTMAS BREAK
DAY ONE
-woke up extremely early and rehearsed every single change of train and flight and time. hoho. gabra jugak fly sorang-sorang.
-airport gate : apparently i was the only one flying to uk whos wearing hijab. black hijab, brown jaket and BIG brown boots. and yea, i was the only at the gate who got interrogated. panic waves for a while okay?? tapi muka control macho la. senyum manis kat pakcik interrogator tu biar dia cair sikit.
-flights were okay but at times i remembered final destination and langoliers. weird is, i've never thought of these when people i know were on the same plane. so i guess it must've been flying-alone paranoia.
-landed in style in manchester! dengan confident dan macho aku berjalan membeli tiket dan masuk train yang tidak diketahui kemana arahnya. so there were these two guys standing at the trains door.
me : um fährt der zug nach picadilly?
the 2 guys : huh???!!!
me : *oh yea crap. now i'm speaking german to english?* ehem. umm does .. this.. train.. go to picadilly?
(terhegeh nak cakap english. yela dengan siapa aku nak berborak dalam inggeris? oh yea and i pronounced picadilly as in pi-khe-delli)
the 2 guys : uh?
me : pi-KHE-delli.
the 2 guys : oh pi-ka-DELL-li. yea.
me : yea that. thanks. *aku mengamericanizedkan sangat ke pekataan tu??*
ugh that was embarrassing. first i spoke in german. second they stressed on how to pronounced the word in english. as in English. iye aku ini foreigner.
-entered taki's. welcomed by the aroma of ikan bilis goreng. huiii. terima kasiiih taki masak nasi lemak untuk aku.
-sesi bergitar sampai pengsan.
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