i see butterflies with pistols

has anybody ever questioned her/himself, why the hell am i doing this?? why did i chose this??

i do.

this is hard. no one has ever told me that this is gonna be hard. i mean, i confess, i did take things for granted, thinking things will be served on a silver platter. but that doesnt mean i have never anticipated that its gonna be hard as well.

its just... this is just harder than i thought it would be.

and then, there comes the 'what if' game. what if -? what if -? what if -? but then there will be to much questions with no answers. so why bother asking in the first place?

because i am such an avoider. if i have one wish i would want to be in the state of cryptobiosis. be still. but that doesnt stop time from running. doesnt change anything. at all. so why bother making a wish in the first place?

because i'm the kind of person who would always take the easiest way out. now there is no option left. no turning back. no nothing. just one road in front of me. and i need to do this. but i'm almost worn. no. i take it back. i'm not worn. i just barely started.

i'm just.. this close (setengah cm) to bailing out. i hope i dont break down and leave things as it is. its just so very the chicken of me to do so.

so whats the verdict, huh??





doubtful. very doubtful.




p/s : this is a freaking out session.