ive thought of some alternatives but..
so i am left with :
(a) knocking myself out with some drugs. like sleeping pills or couple of panadols. it'll be addictive but hey at least i can get some decent sleep.
or
(b) i stay self-righteous and keep tossin and turnin for hours. and get up all cranky because i know i didnt sleep well with all the weird dreams i get every night. if it isnt a dream, then its a constant waking up like, almost every 2 hours. and its even crappier because when i finally thought actually got a decent sleep, i ended up overslept and wasted half the day. perfect beginning!
and since all these are making me depressed, yea, i'll go with something stronger, like Trazodone.
ugh not being able to sleep sucks.
---------------------
of all the dreams i had, this one that stood out.
it was yellowish, like it was late evening or something. standard theme for most of my dreams so it wasnt anything special. so i was at some friend's, and the house was hella familiar. almost too familiar, like ive known the entire space all my life but i just cant place it.
surrounding me were all familiar faces, but now i cant remember any. i took up a cup of tea and saw - a cub. a tiger cub in a baby's crib right in front of me. and 2 seconds after i laid my eyes on him, he crashed the crib's bar and jumped out on me.
it was bewildering but somehow.. pleasant. i dont know what happened, and everything was rather vague but i guess after some time there was this boy, aged 7-8 years old, sitting beside me. i was being me, eating away like there will never be tomorrow, and this boy... tilted his head and rested it on my right shoulder.
and this feeling hit me again. like the feeling when the tiger cub jumped out on me. i guess they were the same person/thing. i dont know. at that point i just trusted what i felt. and we bonded. he was so damn fine. all polite to my friends. siap salam cium tangan. and he clinged to me like he had no other person to go to.
me : who took care of you?
cub boy : mama.
me : and where is mama now?
cub boy : i dont know.
well i wasnt sure which mama. was it my mama, his, i dont know. all i know, he's my responsibility. like a big sister. but obviously we were not related genetically. because he's somewhat caucasian, and i'm.. well ya know what i'm like. heh.
but the hair, the eyes. i swear i can still remember them. it was sooo profound, what i felt.
and then i lost him. i heard somebody was taking him away to.. um somewhere foreign. i cant remember. so while i was out, looking for him, i ended up being in this very extremely big building, and attending somewhat of an interview. people were throwing silk blouses and scarfs at me, asking me to style this very extremely stunning tall blonde lady, who in 5 secs will be on the runway.
huh???!!! aku stylist??!!!
and thats it. i woke up because somebody rang the bell.
hahahaHAHAHAHAHAH. mesti sakit hati baca mimpi aku yang tak ada conclusion.
but what i felt was real. still does.
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