i see butterflies with pistols

"community blogger dilanda season of loneliness" - piyazery. <-- have to agree with that.

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i like ocean ridge. brings back those memories. walaupon saxophone tak contribute sangat pon dalam lagu ni.

but i guess its really weird. i kinda gave my all to produce good sound, ya know contributing to the whole song thing - emm masa sekola dolu. but the truth is, i dont think im the kind of person who would give EVERYTHING for something. macam hangat-hangat tahi ayam la. atau jack of all trades master of none. nak try semua tapi tanak masterkan diri lepas try.

what im trying to say is, how come i can do only one good thing in my life? come to think of what i have achieved along these past years, macam tak ada apa-apa. not that im saying im not grateful of where the flow has got me to, but seriously all these while it has all been about luck. my dumb luck.

i mean, yea i can play music, but its not like i can play a lot of impressive pieces. emm make it any. i can write but its not like things i wrote are all Pulitzer material. i used to know how to debate, but i cant really put it into a daily basis conversation. at least not anymore - because i dont talk about politics, environment, moral degradation shits anymore. i can skate, i can swim, i can do sports. tapi semua tahap cukup makan ja. studies? wahahahahahahahahaa. dont even start. thats THE thing that i know im not good at. at least aku tahu ukur baju di badan sendiri.


but the thing is, i still look forward because i know theres sooooo much more to life. i want to go scuba dive, and skydive, and surf, and bungee jump, and take a latin dance class (im dead serious about this), and.. um.. and jumpa wentworth miller, and convert dia masuk islam setelah dia dibesarkan dengan agama yahudi, and kahwin, and even though perez claims that hes a closeted gay - and i dont believe him, although all of his info seemed accurate, but i could still go and save a lot of money because baez says i could buy his gene from the gene bank - that is IF he puts it there - and then produce anak-anak biracial yang sangat teramat paling cun sekali. there. see? i have a lot of things in life to look forward to. and if my parents disapprove me from being with him, then i guess akan berlakulah telenovela cinta terhalang keshet kedondong bersama lelaki separuh germannya.

okay. hentikan drama ini.

and travel all over the world. and go into photography. and take a vocal class. and kick boxing class. and go to every worth broadway. and go skiing on a VERY EXTREMELY snowy and steep mountain. and .. um .. wow. macam-macam. SEMUA!!!!

this is what i call jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none syndrome.

its MY long-lasting pathology. it has been there all my life, and it wont budge. never.

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orang cakap aku ni ada potential jadi saiko.

sebab aku cakap aku suka kalau aku ada external physical pain.

macam luka. lepas tu aku buleh main-main dengan luka. tehehehehehee.

bes la, gila. should try it sometimes.

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johnny depp is a very interesting human being.

i wish to meet somebody like that at least once in my whole life time.